(reality strikes)

ii.

I just have to keep telling myself: I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. Eventually you start to think that. You push yourself towards this happiness but you feel wrong. You feel that when you're happy, everyone who matters the most to you is having a horrible day. Then you know, I'm not mean to be happy. Or you ask yourself: am I meant to be happy? Putting others before yourself is said to be wrong, but I can't stop myself from doing that. What's the point of trying to get better and be happy if the ones you love aren't having the same feelings. So you push and push and push yourself to make others happy. But you fail. They find others that make them ten times as happy. People they tell you they can be themselves and feel themselves around. That's when you know you've failed. All that you've done, put towards these people only to realize you weren't in the equation at all. You are just there temporary to satisfy their needs. So again, you hope one day you'll get your chance to find happiness. Or just being content. But until that day, you hold in that pain, the sorrow, and the emotions until you can't anymore. Repeat: I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay. I am okay.