(reality strikes)

iv.

Pain. Suffering. Depression. Sadness. All emotions and thoughts that circle my mind and my body. Why am I like this? Why am I so attached? Why am I this way? You start to ask yourself these questions that are in the back of your mind. You're too afraid to admit that they are there. Too afraid to and it that they are running your life. Controlling your life. You start to go back to the beginning. Those thoughts about the ones you love the most and how they could easily let you go. They rummage through your brain and as the days pass on, you notice something. You take a picture of yourself, or you simply look in the mirror and see yourself. Actually see yourself for who you are. Those gaping bags under your eyes, the paleness in your face, and the way your eyes just tell a story. The story of pain, heartache, and sadness. You notice this aspect in your life and in your face. You begin to wonder; is it worth it? What am doing with my life? You thought you got better. Healed. But you haven't. You realize everything has hyped up a level and just got worse. So what do you do? How do you stop feeing the betrayal, hurt, sadness, longing to be with the ones you love most? The answer: you don't. You're stuck until furthermore is said. Till furthermore is felt. All you have left is that tiny grain of hope. As said before, that hope that's always there. But for how long?