Painting Monochrome ||Ereri/Riren||

Monday: Diagnosis Day

"Hey Levi," I smiled, opening the door to his office and flipping the sign to the Do Not Disturb side. "Sorry I'm late. Traffic was pure hell on the way here."

"Leave earlier next time. Take a seat. I don't have time to waste," his voice came out in some kind of low growl. The tension in the air was much thicker and hostile than normal, making me a little more uncomfortable and nervous.

"Relax, Eren. I didn't mean to snap at you. I had a pretty bad night..."

"Oh...I'm sorry."

"You apologize too much, Eren. It's not your fault. New rule: no apologizing unless you've actually done something wrong. We're going to break that habit."

"O-okay..." I sat down, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Now for your diagnosis," he sat down across from me. "Remember that I'm here to help you, Eren, and-"

"Just say it please...I'm already freaking out internally..." I slightly snapped. The anxiety was starting to aggravate me. My thick eyebrows furrowed and my leg bounced up and down vigorously as I tried to keep my nerves calm.

"Alright then. After looking at my notes and doing a lot of thinking, I've landed on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, more commonly known as PTSD. It's an anxiety disorder that stems from some kind of psychological damage experienced during a traumatic event."

"Post Traumatic....Stress Disorder?" my right eyebrow raised for a second as I tried to wrap my brain around what he had just said to me.

"Yes, Eren, PTSD. In your case, the traumatic event would be the home invasion and finding your mother during your early childhood. The death of your friend served as a trigger for the anxiety."

"So basically what you're saying to me is that my mind is fucked up."

I could feel the panic beginning to rise, ready to completely consume my being. I was slowly losing control of myself, of the situation, of my grip on reality. Everything was slipping through my fingers before my very eyes.

"No, Eren, that's not wh-"

"I'm fucking broken. Don't try to sugarcoat it, Levi. Is there a cure?"

"No, but-"

"There we fucking go. I'm screwed! I'm gonna lose my damn job once my director hears this. Great. Just fucking great."

"Eren, would you let me speak? My job is to fix-"

"Fuck this. I don't need you to try and 'fix' me. You and I both know damn well that there's no FIXING ME, so don't sit here and act like there is!" I began to shout.

"Eren, calm down and stop shouting. I know you're having a hard time right now, but breathe please. You're panicking."

"Fuck you," I spat angrily. "You don't know shit about me. Hell, you just met me last fucking week. I'm out of here. This is a waste of my damn time."

I stood up and made my way to the door, only to have Levi wrap one of his hands around my right wrist and stop me dead in my tracks. Acting purely upon instincts, I snatched my hand away quickly, like his hand was on fire and had burned my skin. The air grew heavy and thick, making it nearly impossible for me to breathe properly.

"Jaeger, relax. You're scared and overwhelmed, I get it. I understand, but you're hyperventilating. At this rate, you're going to pass out any minute. Listen to my voice, Eren. You're fine. Within these four walls, you're safe. I'm here. Just take a deep breath, please."

Go. Get out. Leave, Eren.

That's exactly what I did. My hand shot out, turning the doorknob and snatching the door open, and then I was gone. Once in the safety of my car, I turned it on and sped off, unsure of where I was going. I couldn't go home and let Armin see me like this, nor could I go to Mikasa; she'd freak out. So I kept driving. I had no idea where I was, but once I hit the highway, I didn't stop until I saw a familiar sign: Maria County 1.5 miles.