Love is over-rated - a Jeca fanfiction

Funeral

I've been home for a week and unfortunately the day has arrived. The day that I never wanted to see. The one that causes a lump in my throat when I think about it, the day of Natalie's funeral. There's a soft knock on my door and it slowly creaks open. There stands a serious Jesse. He knows how much Natalie meant to me and he understands how hard this is for me. I stand up from the side of my bed and walk over to Jesse, leaning my head against his chest. "Are you okay?" I shake my head, unable to speak because I know I would cry if I tried, "are you ready to go." I stand up straight and head into the bathroom. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my hair pulled roughly off my face before hanging loose down my back, dark makeup hugs to my face and my black dress falls effortlessly from me. I sigh as I lean against the vanity, "come on, Becs! We have to leave." I swallow hard before yelling back, "yup". My voice cracks as I open the door. I take Jesse's hand for stability and head down to the car.

Jesse pulls up in front of the church where the ceremony is to be held. The sight makes me want to vomit. It was already annoying enough having an atheists funeral ceremony at a church, but all of this is not what Natalie wanted. There are white flowers covering almost every inch of the doorway, she hated flowers. There is a huge crowd of long distance relatives that Natalie barely knew, she didn't like being the centre of everyones attention. Everything is wrong. I realise I've been sitting here, staring at these errors for 5 minutes, "Becs, are you okay?" I let out a breathy, humourless chuckle. Why does he even need to ask that? I feel a small tear trickle down my cheek, "no." My voice comes out small and broken. I wipe my face and undo my seatbelt, grabbing my things I step out of Jesse's car. I grip his arm tightly, finding it difficult to even stand, as we make our way up to the church doorway. We are a few steps from the entrance when I see it. My legs give way under me as a loud gasp escapes my lips. All of the air in the world seems to have dissapeared as I struggle to breathe properly. Luckily Jesse caught me when I fell and he's holding me close patting my hair in an attempt to calm me. I regain my footing and we slowly begin to walk again. With every step we're closer. With every step a new tear slips down my cheek. With every step Jesse holds me tighter, as if I'm about to break into a million pieces. Until there are no more steps to take. I've ended up with my toes right next to the edge of her casket. I can see her face, paler then mine. So serene as if she could still be alive, just sleeping. I close my eyes wishing that to be true. Hoping that any second now she'll open her eyes and take a breath. As I slowly open my own eyes I notice that the situation hasn't changed. I'm still here, staring down at my dead neice, breaking a little more with every passing second. I slowly begin to move to pull something out of my bag. I hold the pink ball of fluff tightly before placing it in her icy cold arms. I cry even more at the sight of her, cradling her baby teddy. Jesse slowly guides me over to our seats and we wait patiently for the ceremony to begin.

My heart stops beating in my chest as they begin to call up people to give a few words about Natalie. I know they are going to call my name and I'm prepared but I can't. I grip Jesse's hand as I feel my leg starting to bounce out of nerves, "do you want me to come up with you?" I hear Jesse's whisper as I look around the room. I take in the face of every person in the room, there's not a dry eye in the room even Jesse shed a tear. That's when I notice someone missing, a certain young man. I bite my tongue as I hear my name called to speak. I take a deep breath as I stand on shaking knees. I slowly walk up to the microphone, feeling Jesse's hands fall securely onto my waist.

"H-hi. My name is Beca, Beca Mitchell. I am- was Natalie's aunty. I want to apologise to her and to Cathy for everything that my brother has done to these two beautiful people. I've heard what every single person in here has said and I want to correct some things for Natalie. She had a dream. She didn't just want to do this for her, she wanted to create this beautiful thing for you. For everyone. So, no. She wasn't worried about getting straight A's, she was just smart. I-I want to say sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop my brother from doing this to you. I should've stopped him. I should've- I was meant to protect you."

Jesse begins to lead me away from the microphone as I break down. He leads me out of the church to sit by a tree. I punch it. I didn't mean to but I needed a way to let out my anger. This was my fault. This was my doing. I should be dead not her. I keep punching the tree over and over. My knuckles begin to sting as I keep punching. I feel Jesse's strong arms around me as he pulls me away. I kick and scream as he sits down with me in his lap. My vision is completely blurred, my throat is raw from screaming and my knuckles are covered in blood. I sit there cradling my bloody knuckles as Jesse holds me tight.

We watch as the coffin is lowered into the ground. I stand there as a slight drizzle begins to fall. I scoff and roll my eyes, typical. I watch as the hole is filled in, slowly. I stand there hugging my arms as I feel the goosebumps rising. A warmth covers my arms as Jesse places his jacket around me. I bury my head in his chest as I continue to watch, "are you ready to go?" His voice comes out slow and calm. I look around and realise we are the only ones left, I shake my head as I just look at the gravestone.

The next thing I know it's dark and I'm sitting next to the grave. Jesse comes back over to me and places his hand on my shoulder, "Becs they're locking the gates, we have to go." I nod slowly as I place my hand on the grave before getting up following Jesse out. I stop when we reach the gate and turn around to see the grave sitting there, peacefully. I sigh as I blow a kiss, "goodbye Nat."