Star Trek Voyager: Here I Stand

Here I Stand, Part 17

Part 17

                The fear before the fight.

                He’d almost forgotten it.

                After he’d imparted all the mission criticals to his team leads, after he’d activated his tactical comm set and checked all his equipment for readiness one last time, in the strange, suspended moment between action and inaction, Chakotay felt the fear steal over him like a shadow.

                In the classroom, it was easy to rationalize the feeling as nothing more than pre-mission jitters. Yes, he could admit to his students. Yes, I get them. And so will you. He could give examples from his own varied experiences and help them strategize ways to deal with their anxieties. Channel your energy into preparation, he could say. Plan for every contingency. Leave less to chance, and you’ll have less to fear.

                It was a fine exercise…in the abstract.

                In practice it was rarely effective for him.

                All the planning in the Universe couldn’t allay the dread that he’d overlooked some crucial detail that could get them all killed. As he stepped up onto the Flyer’s transporter pad, the fear before the fight seeped through his clothing and sank into his skin.

                The anxiety was not for his own safety. He was no stranger to pain, and he had no particular dread of death. No, ahead of a dangerous mission, he feared for the safety of his team. He feared for those he’d been sent to assist or protect or rescue. He feared for those he might not be able to save.

                Most of all, in this moment, he feared for Kathryn and Kayma.

                As soon as Voyager went to warp, Kathryn and Kayma would be expendable. If Gul Evek held true to form, he surely planned to neutralize them before he moved on to the next phase of his plot. Chakotay knew that their window of time in which to operate was small to begin with, but as soon as Evek detected the rescue party’s presence, that window would surely narrow quickly.

                The notion that Kathryn and Kayma could be hurt or worse by Gul Evek filled him with cold, dark rage. Over the years he had worked hard to temper his fury toward Cardassians, despite  everything they’d taken from his family. But if they took Kathryn and Kayma from him now…

                Eyes closed against the anger churning inside him, he inhaled until his lungs could take no more, paused to find an uneasy balance, and exhaled slowly. Calmer and more centered, but no less fearful for those he loved, Chakotay opened his eyes. “Energize.”

                Harry nodded once in reply. “Energizing.”

                His team materialized in a dark, deserted corridor one section to starboard from the entrance to main engineering’s upper deck. An active scan had assured them that the hostiles were clustered on the lower deck. Chakotay’s team would enter from above, giving them a distinct tactical advantage in addition to the element of surprise – provided that Evek and his men hadn’t already detected their presence. By now, even someone inexperienced with Starfleet technology could have noticed the transporter activity aboard Voyager, and the attempt to open the shuttlebay doors.

                He reached up to activate the tactical comm in his ear. “We’re in, Harry,” he murmured.

                No answer.