Dealing with some stuff (Minishaw)

Ch. 9 - Explaining myself

-skipping the hospital stay –

Harry was back home now, everyone was being so careful around him, but that just made him feel a bit awkward and strange, He had not done any videos in almost two weeks, the doctor had told him that he needed a brake, he needed to work on himself to make him happy rather than try to make everyone else happy, Harry then decided that he would do a video on his depression, he thought that he needed to explain himself to everyone, why he would not be uploading a lot and why he had not been uploading much for the past few months. Hopefully everyone would be kind to him and not tear him apart. 

- Explaining myself -

"Hi, how are you all doing? I'm just going to get strait into it, no mucking around here anymore, I know I've been a shit youtuber for the past few months, I've not been uploading much and I know that's bad. " He started and he already felt like he was about to cry, but he wanted to get this out there.

"I've been getting quite a lot off hate recently, and it just came to that point that I started to believe everything that was said about me in the comments, I read comments like,

They would be so much better off without you

Why are you even there, you don't do anything with them anymore

They should kick you out and get someone else instead

Is Harry even in the Sidemen?

Who is that guy? is he new around here?

I then started to believe it all, I got depressed, I have medication for that now and I'm slowly getting better, but to be honest I don't really feel good enough to start this youtube thing again, I'm afraid that this will not get better, I don't want everyone telling me.

You're weak

What a faggot, can't even handle a little hate

Just get off youtube then

Go kill yourself

I thought about suicide way to many times, if it would be a lot easier for everyone if I was just gone, I should kill myself, It would be better for everyone, I'm just in the way and everyone is so much happier when I'm not around, I've shut everyone out, I started hurting myself to try to get out off these thoughts, but that just came a habit as well, a very bad one, and I will have the scars for a long time, if not forever, that will forever be with me

So I just need some time, I need to get myself better and I hope you understand that, because depression is nothing to joke about, it's not fun for anyone, not the other guys, I've put them trough hell lately, I thought I would be doing them a favor by just shutting myself off from them, but they have all been amazing and supportive and I can't be more grateful for having them as friends.

I am on the mend, I want to get better, I need to get better, but I just don't want to put myself in the firing line so soon, I'm not ready and I hope you understand that.

I'll see you all later " Harry said and turned off the camera, it felt kinda good to just get everything out there, he did not feel like he was in this constant hide and seek game. He uploaded the video strait away and banned the comments. He did not want to deal with them. He was not ready for that yet.