The Guardian ~ Jayden Sierra FanFic

The Twelvth Day; This Game Is Silly

I'd been here for three days now.

My bedroom had been set up & painted, carpet redone, everything. So much money spent on me.

Honestly what would, could be nothing.

I lied in the bed at night and stared at the ceiling for hours & hours, falling asleep maybe for an hour here and there, I just knew I wouldn't be able to handle it any longer.

I didn't know it was possible, but, I was getting bored.

Bored of eating things I could never taste or need, bored of trying to sleep in a bed I hardly owned, bored of watching everyone live actual lives, while I was stuck here still on Earth and had to watch helplessly while everyone else was happy.

I don't think Jayden had noticed the depression inside of me. I think he was just overexcited still that I was actually living with him.

Sometimes I think I would kill to be a living teenager again.

But even saying that is against the big guy. And it's not that his expectations for me are bad, which they aren't, at all. I think it's just my personality that creates me to do and say and think such weird things. I was always a weird kid, from what I remember.

I've also been quite blasphemy for the past couple of days. I knew I needed to stop. But, somehow, somewhere inside me, I craved it. I knew, deep deep down, it was sooo bad to keep it up, let alone to be craving it. But I couldn't help it. I had no idea what was wrong with me, what was happening to me? Angels aren't supposed to have these feelings. None of my Angothers or Angisters did? I didn't understand.

I rolled over for about the fifteenth time since I'd woken last. I stared at that alarm clock. That stupid flashing green colan in the middle, differentiating the hour to minute.

3:39 - and that was a.m.

Stupid time, there's either never enough of it or too much. It never felt balanced. Or maybe that was just me.

I stared at the ceiling again.

Why was I feeling sorry for myself?

How could I even do that?

How was I feeling bored?

They all told me it was impossible to feel anything, anything but love.

I hated to say it, but I wasn't feeling any love right now. Nope. Not one bit.

I should love Jayden. I'm his guardian. I guess I do in a way, but it's a bit of a touchy subject because, you know, he's a guy, and I'm a girl, and we're close in age. I try to be careful what I say, just incase he thinks it's something else.

I already tried warning him, telling him we were in love that day. Making a promise to never do that. I knew I'd never fall for him, so why let him for me? I knew we'd be spending time together, I guess you never know what could happen, right? You never know a guy's type. I'm not being bias, but, I could have been. Especially since he is non-stop thinking about me and stuff. But sometimes I think that's just pure fascinations. I mean, a year ago, if someone came up to me claiming to be my guardian angel, I'd laugh in their face, just like Jayden did to me. But when I'd finally believe them, I'd be pretty damn interested, too. I'd probably be following them around like a little puppy.

I guess I just think a lot at this time of night. Really, there's nothing else to do.

Come on Rhia!

This is ridiculous.

What am I thinking?!

How on Earth (and everywhere else) is it right to play this sick joke called 'life'. It wasn't life for me. I have none, literally.