The Stars Remind Me Of Your Smile (Newtmas)

The Stars Remind Me Of Your Smile

Thomas looked up at the sky; the purple-blue sunset looked just as it did the first time he saw it.

He exhaled a deep breath, and started talking to the stars that speckled the sky.

"You would have loved it out here, you know; exploring the forest, planting and harvesting, eating Frypan's food while watching the sun go down. It's beautiful, really." He paused, the sky's colours started to blur together as tears filled his eyes.

"It kinda smells like you too; like pine and muddy water."

"I miss you Newt. I miss the way you would call me Tommy, I miss your stupid shuck accent, I miss the way you would smile at me, I miss seeing your face."

"You know, I've stopped dreaming, stopped having nightmares. And I realised something; it's because the real nightmare starts when I wake up in a world without you." Tears were slipping out of his eyes, and wetting his cheeks at a steady pace.

"I would have taken a bullet for you any day Newt; but instead I'm the one who killed you. If you'd still have been here, I want you to know that I'd have gone with WICKED, gone with Rat Man, I would have let them use my brain, kill me. If that meant saving you."

"I wish you were here Newt." He said as he wiped his face roughly with his hands.

"I wish I could have told you what you meant to me. But I realised it all too late."

"Chuck, Alby, Teresa, and you. Everyone that I love is slowly being taken away from me."

"Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for you to have died in the maze that day; instead of having to see Alby die, instead of having to go through the scorch, jut to find out that you were slowly going to go mad."

"But then I wonder what would have happened to me if I had never met you. Would I even still be here today?"

"I've considered jumping off this cliff thousands of times, the mere thought of maybe seeing you again is all I need. But then I think of Minho, he's lost everyone too. He only has me now. And as much as I want to see you, I don't think I'd ever forgive myself if I left him alone."

"I feel so empty. Sometimes I swear I see you in the forest, smiling at me. Or sometimes I hear your voice calling me, telling me that everything would be okay. Sometimes I feel your hand on mine as I fall asleep, or I feel you lying next to me as I watch the stars."

"I wonder if you can hear me now. And just in case you can, I'll say what I should have said back at the glade, or in the scorch, or at the Crank Palace, or even on the road, as I held a pistol to your head."

He sighed loudly, reaching a hand to the sky, as if Newt was going to reach down and clutch it.

"I love you Newt." And at the moment he swore he could hear his best friend laugh, mumbling: "I love you too Tommy, always have" back at him.

Thomas closed his eyes and let his hand drop back down to the ground.

"I'll never forget you." He mumbled as sleep took him far away from his pain and back to a place where he and Newt could be together again.