Ezra Lost

Chapter 29

29

SOON AFTERWARDS, the Ghost smoothly landed with a hiss in the fields of Lothal. In the distance, the brilliant lights of Capitol City bled into the morning gray.

As the entry ramp slid open and he walked out, Kanan Jarrus observed the view. Capitol City had always reminded him a little too much of Coruscant. It also reminded him a little too much of Ezra.

Kanan sat down on the edge of the ramp, pulling his knees up to his chin as he stared straight ahead. The tall, tawny field rippled outwards in a soft breeze, creating the effect of an ocean made of grass.

Kanan turned his gaze slightly upward again to survey the silhouette of Capitol City. If he strained his eyes enough, he could make out the skeleton of the would-be new transmission tower.

"Wait. What about you?" Kanan could almost hear Ezra's desperate voice as he closed his eyes and remembered that horrible day.

"I'll take the next one," the Jedi had promised, looking into his Padawan's wide eyes.

Ezra had stared back at him for a moment, then turned and bolted into the lift.

He had believed Kanan's lie.

It was an awful thing, to make a promise to someone you love while at the same time knowing that you created that promise to be broken.

As soon as Ezra and the others had taken the lift, Kanan destroyed the way up with a stab of his lightsaber, then surrendered himself to the Empire. He'd known it was hopeless. And he had known that Ezra saw it all.

While Kanan had warned Ezra that there would be sacrifice, he could tell that although Ezra had understood, the boy had still wished that there would never be. Kanan got that. No one wished to lose a loved one. But sometimes, there were bigger things than friendship - bigger things that demanded loss. In this case, Kanan's self-sacrifice had saved the rest of his crew and allowed Ezra to broadcast a message with the potential to change the rebellion forever.

Afterwards, Kanan had witnessed the Imperials blow up the old transmission tower in order to stop the broadcast - but they had just barely been too late. Ezra's message had gotten out.

That was a major victory for the rebellion - at least, it may have been. But there was definite loss: the loss of Kanan to the Empire.

To this day, Kanan couldn't bear looking back on the lie he had told Ezra. In fact, he could barely stand thinking of Ezra at all.

Ezra was gone, and it hadn't been the fault a noble sacrifice.

If I hadn't made him go on that solo op, he would still be with us today.

Kanan opened his eyes as footsteps met his ears. Boots clanked on the metal entry ramp behind him.

He glanced over at her as she sat down beside him, trying to force a small smile.

Hera didn't smile back. Instead, she gazed into his eyes.

"Kanan," she said softly. "It will be alright."

"You can't say that, Hera," he murmured, drawing his arm across his face. "We might never find him. And it will be all my fault."

"Ssh..." Hera gently wrapped his arms around him and squeezed. "Do not blame yourself, Kanan. There was no way to predict what was going to happen. Don't you always say that the future is impossible to predict... and always susceptible to change?"

"I don't always say that," he humphed, pulling back and smirking a little.

"There's the Kanan I know." She kissed him on the cheek and left him stunned. "Just don't forget to have hope."

Hera rose and walked back into the Ghost.

Kanan barely noticed. He stared blankly ahead of him, a completely idiotic look on his face.