Gasoline (boyxboy) ✅

Chapter Fourteen

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TONY PERRY!
(That's not the Tony in this chapter btw)
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 400 READS! I APPRECIATE IT!!! In this chapter, Alan's POV is like explaining before the 'thing' in the last chapter. Anyways, enjoy!

||-Alan's POV-||

I knew that Austin was very considerate of my feelings, I knew that we were all back to normal now. But for some reason I felt like complete shit the second that he called me with the news about Kaitie's baby. I knew he wasn't thrilled about it, but he had realized that it made Kaitie happy, and he just would have to try.

I didn't like that. At all. I know that Austin wasn't gay, but I still couldn't get this stupid little thing I had for him to go away. I was in love with him. It hurt to think about it. He just was so cute. Don't even get me started with the rest of his body. He is literally as perfect as can be.

I just knew that I would end up being the one hurt if I didn't get over him. After all, he was going to be a father. He wouldn't think twice about even coming near me if I told him I liked him after Kaitie has this demon. I hoped to God that it would look like Austin, if not, then this baby is doomed.

"Come down here for a minute Alan!" I heard my mother's friend holler from downstairs.

"Okay, I'm coming!" I yelled back.

I placed my laptop lightly on my bed, making sure it wasn't going to fall, before exiting my room and walking down the stairs. I looked around, seeing his shaggy brown locks by the refrigerator. I didn't see my mom though? Maybe she went out shopping.

"What's up?" I asked, wanting to know why I was called down here.

He looked up, almost startled to see me there. I looked down, seeing Anthony, in plaid blue boxers, and slippers. He was very attractive and he was also very young. I didn't understand why a twenty-two year old was friends with my thirty year old mother.

"Uh- I need your help with some stuff. Are you busy right now?" he asked, a but seductivley.

It was really weird, maybe it was just in my head. I ignored it. I nodded, agreeing to help him.

Within fifteen minutes all of the chores Anthony needed help with, were finished.

"I'm dying of thirst," Anthony said, as if he was reading my mind.

He grabbed himself a bottle of vodka, from the bottom of the fridge. He put some colorful liquid in it. I didn't know what it was. I wasn't sure why he picked a beverage that made you dehydrated, when he was clearly thirsty.

I decided on a beer, from the small shelf in the corner of the fridge. I took a sip, heading into the bathroom, leaving my drink on the counter.

"Add some rainbows in there for me?" I asked, using rainbows as the term for the colorful unknown liquid. I trusted Anthony. He nodded, I headed off to the bathroom.

Once I had left the bathroom, I didn't see Anthony anywhere. I grasped my beer, enjoying the tasteful drink.

"Tony?" I called out, using his nickname.

"Ah-uhh, Jesus fuck," I heard a groan from the living room.

What the hell? I walked in, skeptically. I turned my eyes to an extremely hot sight of Anthony with his hand rapidly stroking his hardened member.

"I-I could use some help with this, Alan," he begged.

This was illegal. I remembered when the whole situation with Zack happened. I haven't had any sexual contact since then.

I wasn't going to give in now.

"Yeah-I'm gonna go back upstairs now," I said, anxiety filling my body.

"Uh- come on Alan, I just want to feel your plump lips suck me off, just once I promise, p-please," he said.

I ignored him, walking passed him to get to the stairs. I felt a tight grip on my arm.

"You fucking worthless shit. Now I understand why Austin chose that slut over you. You're fucking useless! Jesus fucking Christ, you can barely do fucking anything right!" he hissed, his words dripping with anger.

I felt a sharp pain in my back, feeling his hand slap against it.

"Useless!" he reapeated.

He forced my body to face him, I felt his member press against my thigh. This couldn't be happening again. I expected some dirty talk or something, but I was frightened when his fists collided with my ribs.

"You don't fucking tell anyone. You go upstairs and sit there and rot," he angrily yelled in my face.

My body shaked, my hands felt sweaty. I ran for the stairs, holding onto my chest, then running up them, and locking my bedroom door behind me.

I searched for my grandmother's old velvet pouch, that was used for her jewelry. Which was now used for my important possessions. I felt the tears welling up at the brim of my eyes. I just couldn't seem to catch a break. I barely could trust anyone anymore.

I felt a small sting, as usual, across my wrist as I made two swift cuts. It wasn't very often that I did things like this. Only when I felt like I did something wrong, or something someone else did was wrong. It just made me feel like I was receiving the pain I deserved.

I then went onto my forearm, making a cut from below my shoulder to the crease of my elbow. It was deeper than expected. I didn't care. It felt calming. I began to think about Austin. His perfect smile, and his adorable laughter, he made me so happy.

I just didn't understand why lately he has been making me so sad and overwhelmed. Tears rushed from my eyes, dripping off of my face. I let out a long breath, attempting to not sob. I returned my focus to my cuts, I pulled the sleeve of my pullover over them, covering the ones on my arms.

I returned my focus to my blade. I pulled my sweatpants off of my body, staring at my thighs. It was so tempting. My decision was made. I used all my strength, pushing the blade through what felt like all of the layers of my skin.

The familiar red liquid began to appear immediately. I repeated the same steps on the other thigh. I felt my head spin, as if I was going into a calming state of sleep. I dropped my blade, my vision being replaced with nothing but darkness.

-------------

EDITED

What did you think?? I didn't want to put too much specific detail into the self harm. Since it might be an uncomfortable subject for some of you guys. As always thank you for reading :)