J - Charge! Or 'Retreat'?
"I'll treat you well." I said. I looked at Czerina and found her asleep. She's really sleepy. I chuckled. Catherine was a big sleeper ...
Hey, stop thinking about her.
I snapped back to reality when the bus went through a bumpy road. Everybody sort of 'jumped' from their seats. I took a look at Czerina. She's still asleep. We got through the bumpy road. I stared at the road for a while.
Suddenly, I felt Czerina's head on my shoulder. I turned my head a little and saw that she's soundly asleep. I didn't want to wake her. I have to move her head but she might wake up.
Do I really want to move her head?
If you're thinking what you're thinking, then you're wrong. It's not like that. I care for my students and I love them as if they are my children. Wait, that's awkward. Or like younger brothers and sisters! Yeah. Czerina is just a special student who I happened to want as a friend. She's real bright, too. Though, she doesn't speak much in class.
The driver suddenly caught my eye. He was looking at us through the mirror. He was kinda staring at me in shocking way, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. I rose my hands in surrender and shook my head slightly.
Looks can be truly deceiving.
It's a good thing that everyone else in the front row are sleeping or else I would have felt ... awkward. It's not like Czerina's head on my shoulder is awkward enough. Now, I only have my music and the staring driver. I'm still bored.
Why not think about her? No! What about her? No, her!
Who are these 'her'? Oh yeah. Catherine, Czerina and Note Girl. Right.
I tried to pass Catherine and jump onto Czerina. One question popped into my bored mind: What made me trust her?
I no longer paid attention to the song that I'm listening to and let my mind search for the answer of that constant question. What made me trust Czerina?
My mind went back to the detention room, where Czerina and I had our first conversation about love. I almost told her but somehow she already knew. Like she knew how I felt. About what happened. About love.
It was like she understood me.
Finally, I got the answer.
Our recent conversation came to my mind and I got bothered by the last bit. Why would she think that we'd be more than friends? I would certainly not let our relationship go further away as it should. Czerina is right. She's my student. I'm her teacher. Maybe being friends with her wouldn't be a good idea. I have to tell her. I have to retreat.
I'm not exactly in war, but my mind is. The left side is telling me to charge, be her friend. It really wouldn't do any harm. The right side is telling me to go, retreat and leave her to her friend, Natalie. The meeting that I had with Czerina came to my memory and I instantly felt more torn. I felt compelled to her. Compelled!
Then I have Note Girl. That sweet, sweet stranger. Like she knew exactly what to say. For a moment, I forgot about Catherine and my mind just focused on Czerina and Note Girl.
The warmth that I felt on my shoulder left. I looked at my right to see Czerina, stretching her arms and legs. She yawned again. She blinked then her eyes focused on my face.
"Did I sleep on your shoulder?" she cautiously asked. She scooted five inches away from me.
"Yes. And don't bother apologizing. It's ok." I replied.
"No it's not. It definitely isn't." she complained. I took a glance at the driver and he's sort of watching us. That guy just couldn't get enough.
"Czerina, it's ok. I assure you that it's ok." I said as I unplugged my earphones. Czerina looked hugely stressed. Wow.
"It's not, J. I'm pretty sure---"
"Did you just call me J?" I interrupted her. She just hit a sensitive point. My face grimaced.
"Yeah." She quietly replied then she saw my expression. Her hand went to her mouth. "I'm so sorry."
"I said don't bother apologizing." I snapped. "Look, you're right. We shouldn't be friends."
"But sir---"
"So you want to be friends now, huh? What's wrong with you, Czerina?" I spat. I stared at the road.
"Damn, you still love her. You have to move on, obviously." She said in a quiet voice.
I looked at the driver and can tell that he heard what Czerina said. He raised his eyebrow at me then focused at the road again. I sighed. I have to tell her that she's wrong. That I'm starting to move on. But I don't want to talk to her. She made me remember Catherine.
Just talk to her, Jeff. You shouldn't be mad at her in the first place. She didn't know.
No! Don't talk to her. She's insensitive and indecisive.
"Look, sir. I'm sorry. I really wanted us to be friends but if we're just going to argue like this, then maybe it's better if we sort of ignore each other. I know that I hit a sore spot but you have to move on. I've been through a break up myself. I want to move on. If your memories of her still affects you, it means you haven't moved on even if you think you have. That's all I can say. Thanks for being a friend. Even for a few hours. Maybe you could wake Mrs. Alpers and have her exchange seats with me."
I took a look at her and saw teardrop stains on her jeans. I can't believe she's crying. I felt guilty all of a sudden.
"I'm sorry, Czerina. You're right. I should move on. Thank you, I guess. You kinda made things clearer." I apologized. She just kept on crying. What am I going to do now? I feel guilty and stressed at the same time. I have to make this right.
"Excuse me sir, I really don't mean to meddle, but the girl's hurt. You have to make it up to her." The driver suddenly said. I looked at him and nodded. He's right. I have to make it up to Czerina.
I looked at Czerina and rubbed her back. "I'm really sorry. You probably didn't catch what I said before you fell asleep. So I'm going to say it again. I'll treat you well. Not only because you're my student but also because you're my friend. Please believe me." She raised her head and wiped her tears. I took off my hand from her back and just looked at her.
"You better treat me well or Natalie will kill you. If she finds out that you made me cry this morning, she'll definitely kill you later." I laughed. She laughed too, but silently. Surprisingly, the driver laughed too.
"She's a keeper, sir." The driver commented.
"And you look cute together." Mrs. Alpers mumbled. I turned around in my seat and just stared at her. Her eyes were closed but it's obvious that she's awake.
God, that woman and her interruptions.
