J - Lost In Her Eyes
I won't deny that I'm worried. She's my student. And I care for my students. Not to mention that she is also my friend. Pushing her was a bad idea itself.
I hurt her again. Why do I keep on hurting people? Not to mention that I also hurt myself effortlessly. Literally. I hurt myself physically then sometimes emotionally.
Right now, I'm sitting by Czerina's bed. She's sleeping peacefully. The nurse told me to watch her until the the drug wears off. I already reported what happened to the principal. She wasn't very happy about it. She dismissed it calmly which is by the way, a miracle. Czerina was still asleep by the time I finished talking to the principal. She is definitely a sleeper.
Czerina is like Catherine, J. Their names both start with the same letter! Isn't that a coincidence?!
Stop talking to yourself, Jeff.
Oh, I won't. I won't until you face the truth.
What truth? Damn, I have to stop talking to myself.
Oh boy, you are blind. And naive. Well, you just have to figure it out by yourself. Until the next time, J.
This is stupid. She's practically making me talk to myself. Czerina is the one to blame.
That is what you call another stupid thought, J.
I ran my hand through my hair and took a moment to look at Czerina. I no longer found it awkward because the others who are staying in the cabin have gone off to have their lunch. It's good that my stomach's still full. Miraculously. Or I would have died from starvation in this cabin just because I had to watch her. Well, it is my fault.
I looked at Czerina. She's breathing evenly, her chest moving up and down slowly. My eyes went to her face. Her pink lips curled up into a smile, her long eyelashes laying on top of her cheek, her eyebrows slightly furrowed. She's having a dream. I smiled. Then a thought crossed my mind.
I miss her eyes.
J, you said that you wouldn't fall in love with her. You wouldn't focus that much on her. You'll avoid all factors that would make you fall in love with her.
Who said you're falling for her? No one, right? Ugh, denying, denying, denying. DENYING!
I took my eyes off of Czerina and stared at the floor. The same thing she would do when she talks to me. I shouldn't be thinking like this. Think of something else, J . . . Something else . . .
"You shouldn't have waited for me, sir."
I raised my head and found Czerina, rubbing her eyes like a little girl. I smiled at her and she smiled back. She set her splintered foot down and winced. She reached out to me instantly. I took her hand. She set her other foot down and tried to stand. I stood, held her left hand and held her waist firmly to give her some support. She finally stood and was able to walk. We slowly walked out of the cabin and headed towards the dining hall. Everybody was still there.
"Does it hurt that much?" I asked her.
"Yeah. It's like I have a fracture."
"How would you know? It's not like you had one." I teased her. She looked at me blankly. I grinned.
"Right. I haven't." She said bluntly.
"I shouldn't be holding you like this, Your ankle shouldn't just as much right now. I should just hold your hand. Not your entire body." I complained.
"Thank you for your support. Friend." She countered. With that, I held her waist more firmly.
"You know? Why not carry me again? Bridal style. Besides, you would have valid reason for doing that to your student. Aaaaaand you wouldn't be complaining much. Sir." She suggested.
This girl is persistent.
"I wouldn't do that, Czerina. You are still my student. It's not like you're my girlfriend." I huffed. I'm starting to consider her suggestion.
She suddenly stiffened under my touch. But we continued walking. Then I thought about how she should call me. I'm her teacher but I'm also her friend. And she's been dropping the ‘sir' in her sentences. I decided to make it easier for her.
"Hey, you could drop the sir. You could call me by my name. But call me sir or Mr. Patterson around other students. Agreed?"
She smiled. "Sure, Jeff."
We continued walking then I stopped. We were already close. She has to walk alone or at least hold my hand.
"Practice walking." I ordered her.
"NO. A big no, Jeff. I couldn't do this. This is the first time that I sprained my ankle." She pleaded.
"Do you want to be punished?" I threatened her.
"I'm already being punished!" she shouted. I clamped her mouth shut. I told her to shut up with my eyes and she nodded. I took my hand off.
"Now. I'm going to let go of your waist. And you hold on to my hand. Ok?" I instructed her. She nodded reluctantly. I let go of her waist. We started walking. She accomplished the task after ten minutes. Right then, I was just holding her hand. And she was holding on to it like it's her lifeline.
"Are you ready now?" I asked her.
"Yeah." She replied.
We walked and entered with a grand entrance.
When we opened the door, all of the heads turned in our direction. Czerina and I continued to walk towards the buffet table. We took our food. Czerina still held on to me. She held her plate on her right hand and my hand on her left. I decided to take her to an empty table. We sat. We looked around and they were still staring.
"Please continue eating." I told them. Noise filled the dining hall once again. Czerina ate quietly.
"Do you want to sit with Natalie?" I asked her.
She shook her head slightly. " I'll just meet her later. Besides, it's taking a hard time for me to walk even with your assistance."
"Do I still have to assist you?"
"You shouldn't, Jeff. It would be weird and suspicious if you hold my hand all the time." She played with the piece of meat on her plate.
"But I have to."
"Yes. You have to."
"I'll just have Natalie accompany us. I'll call her before we leave, ok?"
"Ok. Thank you, J."
I stopped chewing my food. I looked at her. Her head's bowed over her food. She knows that she shouldn't have used my nickname.
It's time for a new beginning, Jeff. She's your new beginning.
"It's ok, Czerina. Besides, you're the one who told to move on."
She lifted her head and smiled. Her beautiful eyes glistened. I returned her smile. I lost myself momentarily in her eyes. Then I realized something.
I love looking into her eyes.
