(This is a dream.)
J - In Her Arms Again
"I will always love you . . ." Catherine sang to me, my head rested on her lap. She ran her soft hand through my hair. I caught her sweet scent and I smiled. It was a perfect moment and I felt in heaven.
Her singing stopped when she caught me smiling. "Enjoying yourself?"
"Yes, ma'am." I answered honestly. Her laughter filled my room. She leaned in and kissed me. I moved and shifted our positions. I kneeled on my bed then she laid back. I'm on top of her and still lip-locked. I grabbed her waist and her hands draped on my neck.
A loud knock interrupted us and we almost jumped in fear. We were both old enough and my parents know about our relationship but we can't help getting scared. We also felt awkward. Catherine smiled at me weakly and sat.
"Come in." I said softly. The door opened and revealed my older sister, Janelle. She looked at us sternly and I can't help feeling guilty. She closed the door behind her. She eyes us both.
"Look, Jeff. I respect your privacy but right now you have to come down. Mom's getting mad." she ordered.
Catherine and I scrambled off of my bed and went downstairs. Sure enough my mom's screaming her head off. It was weird and amazing that we didn't even hear her scream her protests from my bedroom.
"Jeffrey Patterson! Come down here this instant!" she yelled. Catherine held tightly to my arm. She's clearly afraid. I was too.
"Coming Mom!" I yelled back. We all ran down the stairs. When we saw my mom, she looked ridiculously calm. Crazy.
"Is my bedroom soundproof?" I joked. My mom cocked her head to the side and just shrugged. Maybe she got my message.
"Just sit at the table so that we can begin our Thanksgiving celebration. I'm so sorry for yelling like that, Catherine." my mom said. I looked over to Catherine and saw her smile at my mother. We proceeded to our dining room and took our seats. We said grace before eating the delicious food that my mother meticulously prepared. Catherine was quiet the whole time. We would entertwine our hands under the table once in a while. She would always have a tight grip as if she's scared. I figured she was. We eventually excused ourselves and my mom let us go happily. I took Catherine's hand and we went up to my room.
"Your family is pretty nice." Catherine said as we went up the stairs.
"They're decent, I guess. They're fun." I replied and gave her a smile. We finally reached my room and Catherine immediately ran over to my bed. She grabbed the book on my bedside table and started to read it. I turned on the lights. She took off her shoes and sat. I sat beside her.
"Promise me you'll never leave me, C."
She raised her head from the book and looked at me. She furrowed her eyebrows. "Why would I leave you?"
"You might find someone better." Fear crept into my heart as to what she might say next. It scares me that she'll make a promise. I love her too much. Knowing that she broke up with me and left me, this particular moment broke my heart. Having to hold her at least in my dream left me in a temporary bliss. I just wanted it to last forever. I don't want to wake up.
"I love you too much, J. I'll never leave you." Catherine took my hand into hers and rubbed it. "I promise."
As much as I wanted to keep them, my tears poured out.
"Why are you crying, love?" she asked me.
"Cath, you are going to leave me. And soon. Don't promise me because you're going to break it."
She made me look into her eyes. Tears were starting to flow. She closed the gap between us and kissed me slowly. It was sweet. Bittersweet. I cupped her face with my hands. She pulled away and we just sat there, crying.
"I love you so much, Catherine." I said, my voice cracking up.
"Love you too." Catherine replied half-heartedly.
-----------end of dream-------------
"Stupid dreams." I said as I slapped my forehead when I woke up in the middle of the night. Yeah, I was glad that she's with me in my dream but I can't help hitting myself for yearning and longing for her.
The dream WAS stupid. Just like me. Stupid to believe that I could stay like that forever. I might as well die just to be asleep forever. That by far, is the stupidest thing I've ever thought of doing.
I love her but I don't want anybody to think that I'm dead just because I wanted to be asleep forever. Besides, it's crazy enough that I wanted to be with her even in just a dream. Now that's what I call desperate.
I was also stupid when I saw Czerina. I did get comfortable with her but I'll stay true to my words that she has to know a lot more about me before I call her my friend. She seemed to be quite eager because to the looks of it, she just went to the pavilion to talk to me. The other side of my brain didn't think so, though. It thought that I wasn't really the reason why she went there.
I slapped my head again and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I got pretty sweaty after the dream and I wanted to refresh myself.
As I drank my water, I heard other footsteps behind me. It was dark and what I only saw was the person's silhouette. My eyes adjusted and I saw my little sister, Kara.
She rubbed her eyes with her hands like a little girl. She has bags under her eyes probably for the reason that she's up all night texting. My little sister is very into her social life. I mean, why not? She's only eighteen.
Her eyes came upon me and they widened. She approached the cupboard and took out her own glass. She filled it with water from the tap and drank.
"Why are you still awake?" I asked her. Her back was facing me.
"Why are you awake?" she countered.
"Nightmare. You?" I said simply.
"Nightmare. So stop messing with me." she said with much irritation in her voice. I frowned. She hasn't forgiven me even though I haven't really done anything wrong. Or maybe I did.
"Kara, you have to accept that it was Catherine's decision to leave me. And that I can't be the perfect boyfriend for her."
She slowly turned. "You should have been. You know that she's like the sister I never had."
"I know but we're not meant to be." I pleaded, praying that nobody else will wake up from hearing our little argument.
"You could have run after her! You should have let her stay. You love her, right?! But no! You just had to let her go marry that stupid guy. You were better for her!" she almost screamed.
She rinsed her glass and dried it with a towel. I gripped her shoulders. "It's been two years, Kara. Two damn hurtful years. But you have to let her go. Even if I was the best boyfriend to her, she'll never think of that because she has her own will. I know you want me for her and her for me but... it just couldn't happen. I'm so sorry, Kara."
"Fine. But I won't promise that I'll be good to your next girlfriend. If you would ever have one." She shuddered away from my grasp and went back up to her room. I rinsed my own glass and dried it. I placed it back inside the cupboard and went back up. Her words resonated in my mind. If I'll ever have another girlfriend. Believe me, I'm working on it. Why does she have to be unknown?
I laid back on my bed, glad that I could be in Catherine's arms again but afraid that I would never open my eyes the next day.
