Julian sat in the car he was told to drive until they fixed his usual car. He stared at the controls. This was all so unfamiliar to him. He imagined this was how Mara felt about everything. And then a pang of guilt struck his heart again.
He hadn't left the hospital since his quarterback dropped him off. Tom offered to sit with him but Julian told him to go. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to deal with the guilt alone.
The radio was loud but the only sounds Julian heard was his deep breaths interrupting by a pounding on his window. He was shaken from his trance and turned his sullen tired eyes to the window. The window was stained with little droplets of water. He didn't even realize it raining on his way to Gillette Stadium. Danny Amendola was looking at him with concerned eyes. Danny's lips seemed sewn shut, not showing their usual smile. Julian turned the key in the running car to shut it off. He grabbed his duffle bag and finally stepped into the cold rain. The little droplets fell lightly onto his Kent State thirst. "Coach wants to see you," Danny said in a low, barely audible voice. The two friends made the long walk from the player's parking lot to the locker room in silence. They didn't need words, they knew exactly what the other wanted to say. Through the stadium Julian caught pitiful and sorrowful looks. He just looked down, avoiding eye contact with everyone they passed. Danny gave them all an appreciative nod with tightened lips.
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Julian put his bag in his locker. The locker was adorned with pictures of him and Mara. He examined each one carefully, thankful that he could remember each one vividly. Her 25th birthday party. Him being drafted. Their engagement party. He prayed silently that Mara, too, would one day be able to remember these cherished memories. The thought of her not being able to remember caused Julian enough anger to slam his locker shut. All of his teammates glanced up from what they were doing to see what the commotion was but then went back to what they were doing without saying a word. What could they say to comfort the heartbroken man?
Julian made the walk down the dark hallway with a single bulb hanging above the only door. The door was slightly opened. Julian, even in his absent mindedness, still had the courtesy to knock before entering. "Come in," he heard the low grumble of his head coach. The man barely spoke, but when he did they were words of wisdom. Julian did as he was told. He had never been called into his coach's office and his heart was racing. It was worse than being called to the Principals office. Way worse. "Julian, have a seat," Bill Belichick said gesturing to the chair across from his at his desk. Julian bit his cheek and sunk into the chair.
"What is it coach?" Julian asked nervously. He'd been in this position far too much lately. Sitting across from a man who he feared would give him bad news.
"I'm surprised you are here," Coach Belichick said softly. The man hardly ever spoke above a whisper.
"Of course I'm here. We've got a big game coming up," Julian said, referencing the Super Bowl. Julian had only been to the Super Bowl once before, which they lost to the Giants. Possibly losing Mara proved to be much more devastating than that loss.
"Julian, go be with your wife," Belichick instructed. Usually Julian wouldn't argue with the man but he was feeling out of the normal and felt the need to argue back.
"What's the point coach? They won't even let me see her for another two weeks. I'm more useful here," Julian said with a shaking voice. It had only been two days since he'd seen her, but it felt like an eternity.
"That wasn't a suggestion. That was an order. I want you to be there. Vince Lombardi once said, 'God, family and football. In the order' Don't worry about football when you have to be with your family. It will be here waiting for you along with your spot. We will game plan with you but I don't want you to regret not being there," the wise old man said. He was showing Julian a rare glimpse at his compassionate side. Julian blinked back the tears that threatened to spill out of his blue eyes. He stood from his chair.
"Thank you Coach. Thank you so much," Julian said as he exited the office. Belichick nodded his head and went back to planning for the Super Bowl. Julian went back to his locker and grabbed his bag and left the locker room without saying a word.
The only sound heard going down the large corridor of Gillette Stadium was the sound of Julian's tennis shoes hitting the concrete floor as he ran to his car. He felt a sense of hope. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't glad his coach made him leave practice.
Julian parked his car as close as he could to the hospital doors. He took the elevator up to Mara's floor. He stepped foot off of the elevator and breathed in the hospital smell. He had spent more time at the hospital than his home that the smell was barely noticeable. "How is she?" Julian asked stepping up to the receptionists desk. She put a finger up to silence him and he noticed she was talking on her Bluetooth phone. Julian nodded understandingly and waited for her to click a button to end the call.
"We're glad you are back. Doctor Carry would like to see you," the receptionist said solemnly. The woman was small and frail. She wore glasses and had her jet black hair pulled tight against her head. The tone in her voice made Julian's stomach drop. He knew it couldn't be good whatever the doctor had to say.
Julian was ushered into the same office he was just two days ago. It was warmer now as the man decided to shut his window. The curtains were pulled, making the room match the mood. Dark. Julian gulped as he took his seat across from Dr. Carey. "I have some bad news," the overweight man began. He fixed his glasses that were sliding down the bridge of his nose. Julian blinked slowly, bracing himself.
"What is it?" He managed to choke out.
"We began Mrs. Edelman's treatment today. She remembered that she was an only child. And she remembered growing up in Louisville," the man said slowly. His dark forehead wrinkled as he spoke.
"That's great," Julian said. A smile spread across his lips for the first time since the accident. His eyes illuminated. His upside down world seemed to be flipping back to normal.
"But," Dr. Carey continued. Julian's heart sunk again. He knew there was a 'but' coming and he hated himself for getting his hopes up.
