When she dies

"Mind"

It is not a mind.
It is a demon
That wants your mind.
That takes your mind and throws it in darkness where it is lonely
Confused
Scared.
Useless.
When you get it back its corrupted.
Done.
Chewed up by demons of other minds.
Scratched.
Cut.
Covered in blood and tears.
Where I stand...
Is my mind.
Covered in blood and tears.
As I hold the knife against my wrist.
I scream.
Fuck my life
End it
Delete it
Go away
Leave me be
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me

When you look very closely you see grey in my eyes.
I am very close to death.
I dress nicely
I fake a smile everyday.
My family knew of my depression.
But I changed there minds.
They now think I am happy.
Isn't it weird how I wear long sleeves?
Bad grade in science?
Bad grade in P.E?
I dress lighter.
I seem happier.
My legs are all healed up.
But you failed to check my arms.
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me.
My parents think my friend dyed my hair.
No.
My blood did.
The blood of my demon.
I eat lots when we go out.
But when we don't...
I starve myself.
I don't eat healthy
I don't care
I am skinny
I'm stupid.
I am a proud lesbian.
But no one knows....
It's sad.
I know.
But I can't have them know.
If I could read minds I could denominate.
But I am the one broken.
Knock knock knock.
I jerk my head up. I slide the knife into my pocket I put my dress back on sleeves down I wipe up the little blood I spilled and was my hands. Wipe the tears and open the door.
"Boo!"
"What do you want?"
I hate my family.
"Geez. Cranky much?"
"Im simply asking what you want dumb ass."
God if I could I would slap the shit out of my sister. She's such a bitch.
"Ok thank you Marin!"
I am done with her. I slam the door in her face almost hitting her.
I shove my headphones into my ear and start cleaning the knife as she yells at me.
I ignore her and go on.
When I exit out she is still yelling at me.
"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!?" I scream at her. This makes her stumble back. "Just fuck off for once in your life."
She glares at me. I turn away and start walking to my room. She yanks out my head phones.
This pisses me off. Music is the only think that makes me stay somewhat alive. I jerk around and grab her hair. I jerk her into the wall and grab her kneck.
I twitch with my anger. "Leave bitch."
She does just that. She sprints down stairs and into her room.
I grab my knife.
"Just...get it over with." I look at the door to my sisters room. "Not here. Not now."
I slam the entrance door behind me and run down the street. Tears running down my face as I think back at my life.

(Flash back of her life)
"Ok Bella if you did leave what if I was in a comma when you came back?"
"MARIN!"
I chuckle. "Hey hey I'm only sayin you would miss out on this weirdness."
She laughs.
"Ugh how much I would LOVE to argue with you I would rather work my ass off and probably die of heat stroke."
I burst out laughing. "God that's so dark. Hehe."
Back then...I joked about dark things. Even now.
Never did I know...
I would actually be doing something so dark...
It would be the only thing I saw.
All I see now is red.
I'm changing it back to all black.
I hadn't realized that whenever I saw Bella that when I got happy.
That happiness was love.
I never knew I could ever be in love with her.
I just didn't.
The fights we had....
"I TOLD YOU THAT I LIKED HIM!"
"What's such the huge issue? I was just hanging with him."
"ITS NOT THAT Bella. It's the fact that you went along with the joke he had on how sad he was to find out I loved him. The fact YOU laughed and went along with it to. THAT YOU DIDNT TELL ME THAT YOUR SUCH A GREAT FRIEND OH YES YOU FUCKING ARE!"
I hated her at times.
When I would look back
Anger boiled up inside me
Even thinking about how funny and sweet she is
I start blushing
I fall in love again
Stupid love
Fuck you

"Marin? Why are you jogging in a dress?"
Bella doesn't see my the knife I hold in my hand.
"S-Stay back Bella." I wasn't prepared for this moment.
"Marin. Marin no put that down."
"DONT TAKE ANOTHER STEP!"
"Marin PUT THAT DOWN NOW!"
"I can't take it anymore I just can't. So just stay back or you can watch me die here."
"I'm not letting you die."
"It should matter...it just should."
"What?"
"The feelings I have for you."
"Marin?"
I look down. "I'm in love with you Bella. I have been for as long as I remember." Her eyes widen tears roll down her face. "These are my last words."
I hold the knife up and stab my heart.
"NO!"
She runs over and catches me.
But it is to late.