Flower Boy

Chapter Thirty One

            I stared up at my ceiling as my phone beeped, seeming to grow louder and louder each time. I didn't have the energy to get up and turn it off. My stomach growled furiously at me and I clutched my sides, hunger knowing at me and urging me to get up and out of bed. I groaned and got up, turning off my phone on my way to the door. I struggled down the stairs and poured a bowl of cereal for myself. I ate slowly, paying no mind to the clock and wondering what James was doing. Probably sleeping off all the alcohol he hid in his room. I finished off the cereal and put the bowl in the sink.

After moving through my morning routine like a zombie, I dragged myself to the bus stop, shivering against the cold. I glanced at my phone which was blown up with texts from Serena, Ami, Lucas, and even Kyle. I saw what time it was and groaned. I was really late to school. Sighing, I got on the bus and arrived at school, cars parked in the parking lot, quiet settled over the exterior of the school. I walked through the doors, hearing nothing but my shoes hitting the floor and the quiet murmur of teachers lecturing classes.

I sluggishly put my books in my locker and walked down to my first class, where I was greeted with stares and a glare from Mrs. Clark. She continued with the lesson, but when the bell rang, she held me back. She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Why were you late to class?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"I woke up late," I replied, not even mustering the energy to come up with a lie. She sighed and ran a hand through her dark brown hair.

"Look, Rosa, I understand that you're mourning Donavan, I get it. But you need to focus, get your act together," she said, staring directly at my eyes. When I gave her no reaction she sighed again.

"I didn't want to have to tell you, but you're failing this class. If you got straight A's for the rest of the year, you may be able to bring it back up, but if you keep it up at this rate, you're not going to pass," she said reluctantly and I just looked up at her. Why do I care?

"You need to pick yourself back up,"

Why?

"You need to move on from Donavan. Maybe see someone new. I'm not saying he's going to show up now, but your soul mate will come to you. You just have to wait for him,"

Donavan was my soul mate. No one else will be.

"Thanks, Mrs. Clark, but I have to get to another class," I said, interrupting her speech. She looked at me for a few seconds then closed her eyes and sighed.

"Alright. Just think about what I said, alright?" she asked, and I nodded. I wouldn't stop thinking about it. Moving on from Donavan? It was unthinkable. Donavan had been next to me when no one else had been. I needed him like I needed air. Without him, I would die...

Would I die? Dying wasn't part of my plan. The more I thought about it, the more conflicted I became. More than anything, I wanted to be with Donavan, no doubt about it. There were my friends to think about though, along with James, who may or may not get over his drinking habits. Still, the thought of continuing life without him was unbearable.

Through the day I kept coming back to the idea of dying, and finally getting to see Donavan, or at least being with him again. Every time I thought about it again, it felt more and more appealing to die. There wasn't much to live for. In fact, nothing seemed to be keeping me here. James seemed long gone to me now, my friendships seemed to have been perpetually punctured with them worrying about me and not trusting me, and even my teachers weren't as understanding as they used to be. Sometimes I wonder if it's just because Donavan is gone now that my whole world has changed. No, not just changed, destroyed. Donavan was my whole world. Now that he was gone, there was nothing left to hold me back.

I pulled out four pieces of paper and a pencil and began to scribble out words that had never left my mouth, one last message. I finished writing all four and folded them up, placing them in four lockers I knew the locations of like my own.

The bell rang for sixth period, but instead of heading towards class, I packed my backpack and walked out of the double doors of the school one last time.