neon.

nothing much?

I stroll down the street, curling my hands into fists. I want to scream. I want to yell. I want to be less than just the nobody I am now. But I can't. I had another outburst last night. All that I remember was a lot of screams inside my head and small, chopped up wails. There was blood. There was blood everywhere. On the floor, in the sink, on the wall. I threw my self around the room. I was cut pretty badly this time. Needless to say, I won't ever wear shorts again.

I'm going to see my best friend, Erin. I called her last night at 1 am throwing up because of the sickening pain shooting through my whole body, and drowning in my own mascara. She seemed a bit concerned. I look around. There is nobody near me and I look up to see a heavy, gray sky. Marvelous.

I finally arrive at Erin's house. I ring the doorbell and wait. 6 minutes passed. 9 minutes passed. She finally opens up the door to her and her boyfriend, Calum.

"Jamie!! Hey sorry bad timing me and Calum have to go to a party. Who's party again?" Erin says, looking up at Calum.

"Michael's party!" He responds with a whoop. They race past me and just before they drive away a punk calls out Calum's name. They drive away, and left the both of us just standing there.

It was quiet for about a minute. I look back at him. He's something like 6'4, sandy blonde quiff, piercing deep blue eyes, and a black lip ring. He has very many tattoos up and down his arms, and his neck. He was looking me up and down too. I start to back away and he did the same. I then start to turn and walk away. He does the same. We then we're just walking opposite directions.

I get home and think about the peculiar boy. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to myself that I thought he was winning with his looks. I thought of his eyes. Maybe it could have been something if I had said something. Life goes by quickly. I'm just alone enough to notice.

I turned off my lights and cry. My best friend is just another girl who I don't relate to anymore. She too was depressed. But then she had me. Now she has Calum. I wish I had a Calum. I would at least not feel so alone. I close my eyes and as always wished to never wake up.