neon.

warmth

I wake up. Not fully wake up but just open my eyes slightly. I see that it was a gray day, judging the sky from out the window. Marvelous. I continue listening to Luke's mellow breathing. I remember last night and I remember the feeling up and down my spine. I bet Luke doesn't feel the same way about me, but he treats me like I'm decent. And that's all that matters. I haven't cut in about nine days because of him keeping me so busy with this feeling like I have something to live for. His bruises are now purple. I feel bad. Zany is so malicious. It was just the same when I dated him.

I feel Luke move him arm. He sat up straight.

"Good morning." I say, yawning.

"Good morning." He chuckles.

We both drag ourselves out of bed. I guess I was just to call Erin and get a ride home. She's going to be all over this sleepover. She's like that.

"I can drive you home." He stretches.
"Oh no!! I can get a ride from Erin, it's fine." I smile.
"Nah let me take you we live like four blocks away."

We walk out to the car. We climb in and he is still just wearing Nike shorts. Well. It was only 7 in the morning. Nobody would be out. We turn on the radio and tøp "House of Gold" was playing. It was very muted but had a calming effect. Then I felt a warm feeling in my chest.

Right here. Right now. In this moment. With a calm song playing, him being officially mine, and just early enough for the dark lighting from the sky to illuminate a room. I wanted this to last forever. I didn't know why but it gave off a very cordial feel. I loved it. I loved Luke.

We got to my house.

"Thanks." I turn getting out until he grabs my arm.

"If you need anything. Call me. If you don't feel good. Call me. If you need any help with anything. Call me." He let go of my arm.

"Thank you so much."

He gets out of the car and has his arms wide open. I dive into his arms and it knocks him backwards a little bit. He holds me so tight. It was like some kind of boundary securing us. I knew that I was home in my heart, and it couldn't feel better.

Five minutes later. Luke is driving off. I get a text from my mom. They're driving back from the airport now. I dash upstairs and get some leggings and a black sweatshirt on. I use a beanie to cover up the healed cut on the back of my head. And thirty minutes later I hear the doorbell ring. I open the door to my mom. And my dad.

"Darling!! Are you okay? How was it??" My mom's English accent echoes through the house.

"Shh!! Everyone's asleep mom!! And it went well."

"Meet anyone?" My dad raised his eyebrow.

"Umm yeah."

"SPILL!!" My mom walks with me to my room. We sit on my bed. I tell her about Luke. I tell her about what happened with Calum. I tell her about Ailya, Natalie, Jake, and Kayla. I talk about Erin. We talked for about three hours straight. I love my mom. I can tell her anything. She goes to see her friends with my dad.

Tomorrow was the first day back to school. I just wanted to see Luke again. I get a text. It's from Luke.

"Hey. So. How have you been?" As if he hasn't seen me in the last four hours.

"I'm fine!! Just because I'm severely depressed, very stressed, and have very many phobias doesn't mean I'm not able to handle myself!! Okay I see where you're coming from haha. I'm pretty fucked up."

He responds quickly.

"All the best people are."

I smile. We have a text conversation. I liked talking to him. We talked about silly things. Like how Calum and Erin have like never kissed. Then somehow it was nine pm. And I said to him good night. And I felt lonely once more.