You will never know the value of something until you loose it.
I would've said that its not true but right now, there's nothing else I could say to remove the same damn sentence my mom has been saying for the past years of my life. It is true. I knew I loved her more than anyone else. I just didnt really consider the fact that she'd be dating someone else because she loves me. I cant expect her to wait on me forever can I? The painful part is among so many guys, it had to be Shawn. Shawn whom everyone likes. I wouldve accepted it if she dated Nash or Carter. They are dicks just like me. But she ended up with shawn. Someone whos better than anyone else.
It feels so fucked up looking at her giving him the same look I've always wanted to see from her. It was love. She used to be in love with me. Not him. She's now with Shawn and he's giving his world to her. Things I havent shown her before and I never told her. She deserves to be treated like a princess and right now I wish I was in Shawn's shoes making her feel the love I have.
"Cam?" Matt tapped my shoulder with a sigh. "Why are you in the rooftop? You okay man?"
I shrugged. I could see the smirk behind his innocent worrued facade. "Are you really happy right now? Did you have to?" I asked him sitting down.
He smiled and started to chuckle. "You cant blame me Cameron. It's been years ever since I saw you like this." He looked away gazing a far. "But you know what the really funny thing is? You are still so fucked over by the same girl."
I sighed. Tears started to flow from my eye. It was true. It ebded years ago but whenever I look at myself it feels like it happened yesterday. It is still painful and up until now I don't know how to ease the pain. I tried hookinh up with other girls, texting other girls or drink but nothing rea--y worked.
"It's killing me. " I finally say. "I dont want her to be anyone else's but mine. I cant fucking understand why I still love her matt. " i sighed infrustration.
"You never stopped." He sat down next to me. "I have seen you flirt with millions of girls for the past four years. And you didn't even felt the same excitement and love that you did when you were with her." He says matter of factly.
"I tried everything to get rid of her in my mind.." I looked at matt.
"It didnt work." Matt finishes the statement for me. "Cameron.."
"Matt.. I love her.. and I dont think I will never stop."
I finally broke down in tears. As much as gays this looks, I cant help but feel like I had to. It was like someone was trying to open my wounds and pour alcohol in it. It wasnt only physical pain but also emotional and now the only person who can ease this pain is her.
Hearing her voice.. no proximity at all.. Hugs.. Kisses. Everything.
And it is very impossible to happen.
"You know, you can always be her friend." Matt suggests and I cringe.
"I WANT HER." I tell him word by word to make it clear. "I dont want her to be my friend. I want her to be mine."
Matt shrugged. "Its impossible you see."
"I'll make it possible!" I argued.
"You are being an asshole."
"Thats what I've always been." I looked at matt. "I was her boyfriend first. I was the one she loved. She still loves me. I know it." A glint of hope started to fill my heart. "I know if i can work hard enough she'll let go of shawn."
Matt shrugged his head. "You are unbelievable. Tell you what, what if she was yours and Shawn wanted her. Try to steal her from you.. what would you feel?"
