Chasing Moonlight #savealife

Chapter 3 : Safe Place?

I am hiding under my quilt. Again. My eyes are tight shut, heart beating fast and I feel him. I feel he is sitting on my bed, outside my quilt. Looking at me. Waiting for me to come out.

I hear my mother's footsteps. "Kiara? Baby why are you hiding under the quilt?", she asks, genuinely concerned. Moms are always worried as if whatever catastrophe is about to happen in whichever part of the world, will harm their child. Moms love so much.

I don't answer. I never answer. I don't feel like talking. I just want to stay quiet. I don't even want to open my eyes. I don't want to see anybody. Somewhere in this stillness and denial, I am looking for peace.

When I don't stir, my mother assumes I'm sleeping. I can hear her moving about.

"Hello?", she says. She has called someone, probably my aunt.

"Yeah...went to see doctor yesterday. She has advised a week's rest. I am thinking of visiting you", my mother explains. I can't hear my aunt's voice, but I assume she has agreed. My aunt loves me like her own child. I love her like my second mother.

"Yeah! I'll see what they say after tomorrow's test. Then we'll plan something", my mother says. The converation goes back to what exactly happened.

I feel the medicines kicking in and I slowly drift to a sound sleep, something which I haven't experienced in past few months.

* * *

"Kiara!", I wake up with my mother's call, "Get up and get ready for we have to go and get the test done", she says. I love how she says 'we' always. It makes me feel I'm not alone in this which I usually feel, but such constant shower of intimate words make me feel loved.

I force myself out of the bed and go and get ready. I'm so scared these days my mother sits outside the bathroom door so that I can take a bath in peace and without freaking myself and everybody else out.

I wear my night suit once again as I feel safe and sound in it. I don't comb my hair, it is really curly and will hide my face well. I don't want anybody looking at me and finding how I look right now. I don't want people to see how scared I am.

My mother doesn't force me to dress up. She understands me though she said, " Honey if you want to you can change clothes. Dressing up will make you feel better", which I not-so-politely declined but she didn't mind. She knows I'm not OK, and that if I were OK I'd never behave like this. Her treating me in special ways makes me feel loved but it also confirms that I'm not normal.

I rush to the car and get inside with the fastest speed possible. Mum sits in the driver's seat and we head out. Today our destination is room number 4.