It was a week ago when I tried to commit suicide. It sounded perfect in the troubled sulci of my brains, but when I gulped down my s.o.s. pill, I realised how horrible it was, what the consequences of my actions were and how it would affect every one of us.
And yet again, I'm fumbling through the drawers of my and mum's shared washroom, looking for my mum's ancient razor, whose sharp blade would do just the thing I needed. I don't want to see sense right now. I just want to get it done with.
Just a little incision on my jugular and I'll be done. Done with the life that gave me more downs than ups, that is so hard to live, that was thrusted upon me without my wish. I'll be done, for once and for all.
When I get hold of the razor, I start undoing the removable screws to take the blade out. I hear my mum say, "Kiara, where are you?" The razor falls from my hand and clatters in the wash basin.
"What are you doing?", my mum demands as she opens the door and finds me with the razor.
Her fury dips down to her tongue when she takes in what I was about to do, "Out. In one second, out", my mum demands.
For a second I fear she'll slap me but she doesn't. Somehow she always controls herself.
* * *
I popped in my s.o.s. pill half an hour ago and I'm already feeling the affects. I feel horrible again to even think I should commit suicide and leave my family behind, struggling.
I did it over a sibling quarrel. The reason even makes me feel more horrible. When did I ever become so childish?
YOU ARE READING
Chasing Moonlight #savealife
Ficción GeneralKiara, a 20 years old girl suddenly starts suffering from panic attacks and depression. She has too many secrets she never shared, too many dark fears she never talked about. She wanted to be dead. This is her story. A story which tells why she chos...
