When I popped in 10 sleeping pills, I hadn't imagined a tomorrow. I thought that was it and I'll finally be able to leave this world once and for all, that I will be free from these feelings of regret despair and giving up. I thought I had finally given up and that there will be no tomorrow.
I panicked over nothing, for everyone and myself as well. Me and Mom had gone for a walk with Bruno. Honestly, the walk was fun. I ran with Bruno on secluded roads and we really enjoyed a lot. But in my heart I was a little irritated.
I took about 15 to 20 minutes to make my mum go out with me. I didn't want to go alone. I don't trust myself alone and it wasn't just yesterday, mum makes up excuses everyday to not go.
Honestly, I was sick of it. Sick of hearing no, sick of being stuck at home all day long, sick of feeling useless, sick of everything, sick of myself.
My phone was in mum's hand. We were very close to home when it started ringing. Mum accidentally dropped it. I knew it wasn't her fault but I got mad. I get mad so easily these days. I am sick of getting mad.
I got mad at mom 'cause it stopped working. I thought of nothing except blaming. I was mad at myself for letting my mum carry my phone when I know she's so clumsy and drops things all the time.
When we got home Mom didn't sit on my bed. She went to Anubhav's room after taking her novel. No, she wasn't mad at me. She was tired of listening me blame her. I know she just wanted to give me some space, some time to cool down.
And I took advantage of that. I knew she won't be around for a while so I filled a glass of water and emptied the entire strip of my medicine on my palm.
I heard my mum coming to my room so I ran to the bathroom and gulped down the pills. When I came out my mum demanded what I was doing. I told her I took my medicine.
"How much?", she asked.
"One pill"
"Why in the washroom?"
"I got a feeling to pee and so I went there while drinking water"
"I know you gulped down the whole strip"
"No, I didn't. Why are you a irritating me again and again over the same thing?"
She left the room and I dived into my bed, happy that there will be no tomorrow.
However, tomorrow did come and I regretted, not that I took pills but 'cause I didn't take enough to leave this world once and for all.
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Chasing Moonlight #savealife
General FictionKiara, a 20 years old girl suddenly starts suffering from panic attacks and depression. She has too many secrets she never shared, too many dark fears she never talked about. She wanted to be dead. This is her story. A story which tells why she chos...
