I'm lying on my bed, inside my blanket waiting for sleep to wrap me in its arms, to take me to the darkest of places as always, to put me in the devil's cradle and torture me a little more.
I haven't slept in three nights. I once wished to never fall asleep, a wish which popped up in my brains which consider me a victim. Be careful what you wish for.
I'm dying to fall asleep now. I toss and turn in my bed. It's 12:10 p.m., and I've been trying to fall asleep since three hours. I haven't eaten because I'm hungry for a little more rest, not food.
I look at the fan on the ceiling. I think of strangling myself. What could be better than having to end it all at once?
I instantly think of my mother. She won't be able to live without me. She won't survive. It'll make her more miserable, eat her more from inside. No. I can't do that to mom.
My mom reaches home around 03:30-:04:00 p.m. She finds me lying in my bed as usual.
"How was your day, honey?", she asks.
"The same. I couldn't fall asleep", I state. She knows I'm having sleep troubles since a few nights.
"Mom?", I say.
"Yeah?"
"Don't leave me alone if you want me alive"
* * *
I'm waiting for my turn outside Dr. Aruna's room. Waiting to let her know that I've been an insomniac for a week, that sleep touches me as much as a fly fire. I'm naturally irritated, I'm tired.
My mom and relatives are a little shaken. They never thought I was planning my suicide from a several months.
Honestly, I thought everyone thinks of killing themselves. Life is difficult. It gives you less and takes away more, every turn is blind and every now and then we find ourselves at a dead end. I thought everyone wants to die.
Somebody calls my name and we rush inside. My mother tells my doctor how troublesome nights are and how I have been planning on my suicide.
"Whenever I read about poisons I think I can't ingest this. I'm afraid of feeling pain. My idea of suicide is to take sleeping pills and drowning myself. I don't want to live. I can't. I'm too scared", I confess, sobbing uncontrollably.
Dr. Aruna adds one more medicine to my prescription which will help me sleep at night and advised my mother to keep me under surveillence.
When I get home, I check my medicine's details and what I find actually kills me.
My new drug is an anti psychotic drug.
YOU ARE READING
Chasing Moonlight #savealife
Ficción GeneralKiara, a 20 years old girl suddenly starts suffering from panic attacks and depression. She has too many secrets she never shared, too many dark fears she never talked about. She wanted to be dead. This is her story. A story which tells why she chos...
