happy.

010

(not written in diary, actual reality)
i walked over to my bed, kneeling on the carpet. i grabbed the box from underneath it. in it was an enormous amount of pills i have stocked up over the course of a year. i carefully picked up a good amount of the pills, placing them in a cup neatly next to me.
when i stood back onto my two feet again, I heard the front door open. i quickly grabbed my note for aphmau from my nightstand and held it in my hand.
suddenly there was a knocking on my bedroom door. i smiled. i lifted up the cup, putting it closer and closer to my mouth. right when the first pill almost was about to go into my mouth, the door swung open. aphmau was there. she ran over to me, smacking the cup out of my hands. as the sound of pills hitting the floor was heard, my smile faded away. aphmau embraced me and i started to cry.
the girl comforted me for what seemed like forever. she forced me to explain what was going on. i went and spilled everything that had been on my mind, leaving out the part about how i've loved her. aphmau whispered, "i'm so sorry" i couldn't take that, this wasn't her fault. this is what i wanted to do to help her get away from me, the darkness. gripping her harder, i was able to choke out, "i just wanted you to be happy."