Delusions of Glamour: The Time I Went to Spain and Told Lies to My Boyfriend

Ch. 1: Introduction and My Secret Diary

This is the Introduction!

If you study abroad, you should probably lie to your boyfriend. AJ and I have always had this animal attraction, 'I want to throw you against the wall and lick ice cream off you' sorta thing. But I wasn't sure how he felt, so I told him all the details about living in Spain. Kissing boys with chocolate eyes and salty lips, sleeping in train stations, accepting dates with wealthy diplomats so I could have a decent meal.

I shouldn't have told AJ, and I shouldn't tell you now. 

But I'm going to.

This time, I'm doing it right. I'm sharing my diaries along with the letters I wrote AJ, so you can see it wasn't all fun and games. I was a million miles from my family and friends. It got lonely. It got dark. 

Here's the retelling of my study abroad in Spain. I'm Holly Fricklesnap. And this is one of my delusions of glamour. 

January 8

In my room packing for Spaaaaaaaain!!!

It’s snowing and I’m thinking the icicle hanging outside looks like a witch’s fingernail…really I need to focus and stop staring out the window but I’m all distracted imagining what my life in Spain will be like. That’s right I said it: SPAIN! Have you ever heard of something so enticing and exciting?!?! I AM MOVING TO SPAIN! Where I will eat the juiciest olives and drink the reddest wine and HOPEFULLY have the cutest boys whisper the sultriest Spanish words into my ear. No more shy Holly, no more holding back the outrageous adventuress who’s been held captive in Reno all this time.

AJ thinks I shouldn't go. He thinks I'll become pretentious and will miss out on too much being away. Whatever. It's time for me to explore the world, WITHOUT HIM. I'm tired of never being kissed! AJ's not kissing me so I'm gonna find someone who will!

How the hell am I supposed to pack for SIX MONTHS? I love that I can even say I’m going away somewhere for six months! This makes me feel very adult and sophisticated and like the traveler I’ve always known I would be. It will be the longest I’ve ever been away from home, the longest I’ll go without seeing my family. This makes me nervous but mainly EXCITED! I feel the experience will change me fundamentally, as a person in all aspects. I hope school isn’t crazy difficult, will be weird to only have Spanish classes. 

I wonder if I will feel more comfortable since I’ve been to Europe before? But that was with family on a vacation, this is actually LIVING there (so fucking coooooooooool!!!). This experience is coming at the ideal time, end of college time, right when I’m feeling I want to expand my horizons, I’ve always hung out in the mainstream even though I feel different, want to explore other modes of being.

I wonder if I will like the other kids on my program? NOTE: Do not just hang with other Americans! That defeats the whole purpose of going! I am going for the CULTURAL experience, because I have lived in Nevada my whole life where it’s all sagebrush and boring and I want to stay up late drinking espresso from tiny cups kissing boys with soft lips and names I can’t pronounce. I love my Reno experience, I love going to college here and all the fun we have at the casinos and strip clubs and 24 hour bars but I want to experience SOPHISTICATION (I don’t know how exactly to do that I will find out!).

I also want to write more, not just to you journal but do real WRITING about my experience…travel writing class I’m in right now so inspiring.  Love the Mark Twain travel writing, Bill Bryson, Hunter S. Thompson….and meeeeeeeeeeeee?!?!?! My journalism classes are cool, but I’ve never actually wanted to be a reporter, now have I? In Spain I will try some longer creative writing…but make it like journalism, but travel journalism, facts about what I’m doing but written in a creative way. YES! I have known in my heart since, I don’t know, birth? that I am a WRITER, but I have yet to embrace this side of me….Spain will be an opportunity to be someone new, where I can play with the qualities I’ve always wanted to express.

I want to look at art, also. Lots of art, I want to UNDERSTAND art. And I want to WRITE!

I wonder what shoes I should take? I’m sure I can buy some there hehe…BUT! I have to be good with money and PROVE to Dad I can be responsible and budget! This is of upmost importance! And getting the loan money was a pain in the ass so I don’t want to blow it!

I wonder if I will fall in love? Oh please please I want to fall in love! I want him to have hot cocoa eyes and be tall and a good dancer and something very Spanish like a bull-fighter or tango dancer. Then he can come back to Reno with me and I’ll be like, “Oh, did you meet Jose, my tall matador from Madrid?” IT COULD HAPPEN!

Want to write more but seriously need to pack…why can’t I ever start anything until after midnight? I have been told people stay up all night in Spain, yesssss!!! Finally, night hawks like me!

Will write from the plane! That I’m taking to Madrid! Where I am going to live! Woooo hooooooo!!!!!! 

Seatbelts!

--Holly