May 19
So its been quite a while since I sat down and organized my thoughts….every day lived here is just so full. My overwhelming feeling all the time is of how fucking lucky I am. Who gets to live such an experience of travel and excitement and going out to amazing clubs??? Well, I do. Fucking lucky. I just want to be sure that I felt how lucky I was when I was here, and I think I honestly do.
So classes ended this week, nothing to say there. It was easy and really fun and really satisfying learning the language. Which I could have done a better job of im sure. Now on to what I really want to talk about- boys. Now that I have me a menagerie I have to record it all to be sure not to forget a single detail. And of course, im happy again now that I know I have a few. Of course, the magic number seems to be two. Two boys to muse over, analyze, consider, meet up with. Also feeling lame and loser-ish that I “need” guy attention. I want to be happy on my own, without needing a boy in my life (or two)! But maybe this is the woman’s lament. We’re engineered for making families and mating….maybe it never goes away, being so boy crazy. Sigh.
So Roger (Rojay) is still in the picture with all his frustrating and adorable Lebanese isms. He’s just so fucking gorgeous, especially in a few years. And so on and off about me and when he calls and all that. Hes so frustrating as well, possibly more frustrating than logan was, which is hard to imagine. But hes teaching me things about what life is like other places, though I don’t think ill ever see him again after spain.
Not having the concentration to write anything right now…..but I do have incredible adventures coming up with Oona and Neva and traveling around Europe. Fuck! That’s incredible!
Im coming to realize its not all the glamorous to be from a foreign country and have all this traveling experience. I mean it is, especially bc no one in America has that, but now having known people from Lebanon, hungary, England, Syria, Kuwait, wherever, everywhere, its less amazing. They shouldn’t get crazy extra points for being born somewhere other than me. They should be nice, caring, and a good cuddler.
June 10
Have spent the last few days doing absolutely nothing. I think it's what I really needed, though, to stop from the madness of the last several months of go do something, go out, repeat. I'm feeling reflective for the first time in a while.
Reflections:
--I don't feel like I'm one of those kids who are like "I went abroad and came back sooooo changed," yet I still want this experience to have an affect on me. Namely, two things:
1. I'm dropping the party girl slut thing I had going on before I left Reno. I'm not going to pretend like "It wasn't really me," because I know it was a side of me that needed exploring, and maybe the party girl slut will come back again someday, but for now she feels tired and....immature and silly. I want to be more sophisticated. I will stop underestimating how attractive "ladylike" can be.
2. I want to be a better friend and family member. Be more caring, be more in touch. Also, this is my last year in Reno, at college. It's time to consciously decide who I want my friends to be, depending on who I have quality relationships with, not just those who I can go out and party with. I need friends with similar life interests, not superficial relationships.
3. Be less self-centered.
Accomplishment: the other day I was watching "The Notebook" in Spanish, with Spanish subtitles, and didn't even realize it. Because I actually understood almost everything they were saying!
This simple moment is enough for all this time in Spain. Ha! I can go home happy.
Love forever!
--H
YOU ARE READING
Delusions of Glamour: The Time I Went to Spain and Told Lies to My Boyfriend
HumorIf you study abroad, you should probably lie to your boyfriend. AJ and I have always had this animal attraction, 'I want to throw you against the wall and lick ice cream off you' sorta thing. But I wasn't sure how he felt, so I told him all the deta...
