Delusions of Glamour: The Time I Went to Spain and Told Lies to My Boyfriend

Ch. 12: My Secret Diary

April 3

So generally feel like I’ve been an unproductive pile of poo since I got back from Paris. Didn’t make it to class, didn’t go on the day trip to Salamanca yesterday because I was out dancing til 9am and slept til 6pm!!! I’ve never slept that late in my life! How do socialites do it, just go out all the time? I just don’t want to waste the opportunity of being here in Spain by sleeping away the cultural experiences because I’m out partying. But it’s sooooo fun! Arggh!!!

I can’t express enough how much I love it here. In Madrid, in Spain, in my life. I am one lucky son of a bitch. Here in Madrid I have so many random thoughts on life throughout the day on life its staggering, something about being let loose in this country has opened my mind up and I’m looking at life in a new way.

Being abroad has to be one of most fulfilling experiences a person can have. I realize so much about life and the world and how big it is. Now I want to travel to places like Morocco and India, places I barely knew about growing up in Nevada….and I think I can do it! And living a foreign language, whew!  Don’t get me started on learning a language, truly learning it by living it. Has to be the single most challenging thing, and its all dependent on you and nobody else. No outside influences other that how hard you’re willing to work.

I’m stressed that I’m not recording my time here well enough. Loving every goddamn minute so much I’m distracted, don’t want to write about it because I’m living it.

Hooked up a little with Ariel, the adorable Israeli boy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks. Israeli! I did it! His name means “Son of the lion,” me-ow!

But he’s a cool kid too, really deep. He’s seen a lot in his life. But by “choosing” Ariel I kinda screwed over Andres, this Spanish guy I’ve also been seeing. Its funny, all I wanted was to date someone, was feeling so lonely and desperate and lame. And when it rains it pours, don’t I know that by now? Anyway, Andres is a lawyer but is just too much! In Spanish: demasiado. Every two minutes he’s like, “your hair, your eyes, you are so beautiful. Your hands are beautiful.” Okay, okay, okay. I’m like, “my neighborhood is ugly.” He’s like, “you make it beautiful.” Sweet, but over the top. He’s a lawyer. Boring. Really realizing how much I like creative types. Not into this have-it-all-together, suit and tie kind of guy. He told me I speak good Spanish, positive points. He wears American flag sweaters, negative points.

So last night/yesterday I’m more or less pretending to Andres that I went to Salamanca because I don’t want him to ask me out, I want to go to Locua, the club I’m promoting for European Vibe, and because I want to meet up with Ariel, who has a table with bottle service there. I arrive and who is at the bar but Andres! Just as I’m like “Roxanne, take a picture of how flustered I am right now,” Ariel taps me on the shoulder and I duck so Andres doesn’t see us. Yikes!

So I hide in VIP all night with Ariel (tough life, eh?), who is adorable all around, and almost literally run into Andres several times. Finally go up and say hi to Andres, then I mumble something about needing to work in the VIP area, and leave. I felt so bad! But not that bad! Later, I see him in the VIP area, looking for me, ooooh I felt like such a bitch. So I guess I ruined that one, but there’s a fine line between the right amount of flattery and attention and the right amount of aloofness and he was coloring way outside that line.

So I stayed the night at Ariel’s (like the mermaid, I tried to show him my mermaid tattoo but he didn’t get the connection). I liked sleeping next to him. J And he really captured my heart the other night. He took me to Israeli food and ordered like everything on the menu so I could try it all. Then we went to a club opening, ahh! My life doesn’t suck! So I have the purse I just bought at Las Fallas, and I’m like, isn’t it pretty? He says, “Yes, its full of life.” Ah! So cute! And he’s so good and attentive and sweet and that little dimple when he smiles….Ah! Killing me. I’m a smitten kitten! He’s not a good dancer, however. This is not good. But at least he’s not annoyingly nice, like the lawyer.

So, conclusion: Don’t stress out when things don’t go your way for a week. Generally, your life is amazing. And record what happens, because when you’re old all you will have is your memories. 

Xoxo,

--H

April 4

My world has opened up so much being here. I want to travel even more now, see everywhere. I'm realizing I don't have that much pride in being American. It's frustrating that Spaniards keep wanting to tell me what a dick George W. is....I KNOW! Hello! I didn't vote for him! But I'm like an ambassador for my country here in Madrid, I feel. Like I need to listen to them vent about America wanting to take over the world, the war in Iraq, etc etc, then say something intelligent so they realize we're not all knuckleheads.

I might not be overly proud to say I'm an American, but I do really appreciate the experiences I've had. It's all cool to grow up European, be fourteen and smoke cigarettes and drink espresso at art museums, but I like that my childhood was horses and dandelions and frosties after soccer practice.

I met a bunch of students from an international university, one guy from Syria named Mo (short for Mohammed) was telling us how the rich kids in Syria play "tag" with their new BMWs, literally trying to hit each other and leave dents....because they're that rich (and bored I guess). Insanity! I love learning these details about other cultures, straight from people who live there. I also love learning about myself. Traveling and experiencing new things is the main vehicle to learn about yourself, I think. You go thousands of miles away in order to learn about where you came from. I just keep getting hit by how blessed I am. This month of March, the traveling I've done all over Spain, Italy...I've seen more in this one month than most people do in a lifetime! Lucky lucky lucky! And I will look back on the experience and know I was grateful for it as it was happening!

Thought: Style is fleeting, not a means for impression.

Quote: The Alchemist: "Don't close yourself off to the possibility of possibility."

Read: "Sun Also Rises"...whatever the Hemingway book on Spain is

I can’t believe I’m leaving kinda soon! Noooooooo!!!!

 --H