Marcel

Chapter 31

Marcel's POV

I'm sitting in my room after seeing the therapist again. How many questions can she possibly have? I don't think I've ever answered so many personal questions. It feels kind of good to let it all out though and tell someone how I feel.

The girl with the scars is standing outside my room. How long has she been there? I walk outside to talk to her.

“Hey,” I say, “So, uh, what are you doing?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to the game room.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I'm Ellie by the way.”

“I'm Marcel, which you already know...”

She giggles.

Doctors are everywhere. I feel like I'm constantly watched, like I can't be left alone. They check on me all the time too. I glance at the two doctors walking past us and they smile.

So many smiles. They're all so happy and full of supportive words. "It'll get better." "You'll be okay." "Stay strong." "You'll make it through this, I promise."

“So what's in the game room?” I ask her.

“A TV, some board games, pool... Stuff like that. It's the most interesting room here.”

“How long have you been here?”

“This is my second time here...”

I don't say anything.

We get to the game room and decide on Scrabble.

“I'm a really bad speller,” Ellie says, “I'm definitely going to lose.”

“I'm a really good speller. I used to play this all the time...”

I'm sitting in my room, all alone, as usual. It's a few years ago. The dictionary is beside me and the scrabble board is in front of me. I'm playing Scrabble against myself. Word after word. Piece after piece. Point after point.

I did this for hours whenever I was alone, which was a lot...

I knew words most kids my age never even heard. I was a walking dictionary. I would find words, memorize the spelling and definitions. I knew everything about every word. I pretty much read the dictionary. Words were my escape. I had a strange liking for writing and spelling in general. It's like the words in the dictionary were friends. Every new word was a new friend. I'd learn about my “friends” through their definitions. I'd repeat the definitions to myself throughout the day. I'd find myself spelling words in my mind without even realizing it. Sometimes I'd catch my hands writing down words on scrap paper. When someone would say a word I liked, I'd write it down and say it to myself over and over. I liked the way new words sounded. How the pronunciations took awhile to understand. How each little accent counted. It was like people. We all take awhile to get to know and every detail about us counts...

It took up my time.

It made me forget, even for just a little bit.

Memorizing words instead of thinking about the bullying...

We've been playing for a few minutes. So far, I'm in the lead. Ellie just put down the word “brag.” I add on to her word.

“Braggadocio? What the heck is that?” she asks me.

“It means arrogant or boastful. It's an eponym.”

“What's an eponym?”

I smile, “Don't worry about it. Just useless information I hold in my head.”

She laughs, “You know a lot. You must read the dictionary.”

I blush, “I used to...”

“That's pretty cool, though. That you know all this stuff.”

*

We're coming down to the last few scrabble pieces. I'm still in the lead. I put down “love.”

“Do you know what it's like to be in love?” Ellie asks quietly.

I stay silent for a second before answering, “Yeah, I do.” I've never really thought about it.

“I don't... What's it like?”

I take a deep breath and think, “You know, I'm not really sure how to answer that. I'm kind of new to it. When I think of something, I'll let you know.”

“I think it'd be fun to be in love.”

“It is.”

“When were you in love?”

I think of Cami and smile, “I've been in love for a few months now.”

“I bet it's great.”

“It is. It's amazing.”

OH MY GOSH THIS IS #4 IS TEEN FICTION. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I want to thank everyone who messaged me and told me their personal stories. Thank you so much. It gave me a closer look at these things. <3 I love you all.

And sorry this isn't long, I have to go do my A.P Biology packet. Wish me luck. I'm not even close to finishing and school is in less than a month...

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