Bad Blue Woebegone (Fourtris AU)

[6]

Darkness. This wasn't the kind of darkness that hung over me like a cloud everyday. No, this was complete and utter blackness, something I couldn't even possibly see through.

There was nothing, only my thoughts.

I didn't know where I was or what was happening, I just felt stuck.

Is this what death feels like? I kind of like it. I don't have to feel anything. I don't have to do anything. I can finally relax.

I imagine myself closing my eyes, drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

"Choose." A voice whispers, startling me. Choose?

I wince, a bright light blinding what I assume is my eyes. The light is beautiful, soft and gentle. Cooing to me like a mother would a child. It felt safe.

Making my decision, I walk towards the light. My mom was in there. She was waiting for me. I know it.

The thought causes a smile, and I walked faster.

"Your life isn't over yet, Beatrice. If you'll stay, you'll be just as miserable."

"I'll be miserable anywhere you put me!" I scream at the stupid voice, suddenly angered.

Suddenly I can't move, and it seems as though I've made my choice. "I'd rather stay here in this darkness then have to deal with either of those places!" I screech, my voice echoing.

And then, it was silent.

××××

"C'mon Trissy, you've got to wake up. I miss you." A familiar voice whispers. Is that pixie?

That must mean I lived. Fuck, I didn't want to live! I wanted to stay where I couldn't feel anything, where I could just stay and talk to myself. I was happy there.

A groan leaves my mouth, the sound scraping against my dry throat.

"That's it, just open your eyes. Let me see your eyes." She coos, squeezing my hand.

I do my best to shake my head. I am not waking up. I want to go back. I choose the light. Take me back to the light. I continue to scream in my head, that is until I realize I'm screaming out loud.

Not just a mumble of words scream, a blood curling scream that hurt even my own ears.

"Hey, hey now, it's okay. Relax." She whispers, but I don't stop.

I only stop when I'm back into the blackness.

Finally.

××××

"I've already moved all of her stuff." A voice grumbles.

"Don't you think you should give her a choice?" That was obviously Christina.

"She's depressed. She's not trusted to be alone. She could attempt suicide again and it will all be over. You're not going to get a hunch every time, Christina."

"That doesn't me you can destroy her life by packing her things and moving her into your house, Four." She spits.

"She has a choice, Christina. She can stay at a hospital for depressed people where she'll have to write with crayons and have to be fed, or she can come stay at my house. It certainly helped you, why don't you think it'll help her?"

"She's different, a good different. She always does what's best for other people, and she never thinks about herself. She's also independent, and likes to do things by herself. It's just not going to work."

"Well its going to work. We'll talk later. She's waking up."

My eyes open.