Bad Blue Woebegone (Fourtris AU)

[12]

"How was your stay at the hospital?" Four asks softly from beside me. I don't look his way, watching the clouds as the plane glides by.

"What kind of question is that?" I hiss. "How was your stay at the hospital?" I mock in a high voice.

"Because you'd rather sit here in awkward silence for the flight," He shoots back, glaring at me.

"Yes," I state, crossing my arms and turning my back.

"You're so irrational," He spits. "I've gone through hell for you and you can't be the least bit grateful."

"Oh!" I shout, apalled, drawing the attention of other passengers. "Because it's suddenly my fault you have an obsession with helping people that are depressed!"

"It's not an obsession," He speaks, his voice level, "It's me knowing what it's like and wanting to help."

"Help my ass," For no particular reason, tears sting my eyes. How was he to know what it was like? He didn't hate himself. He was gorgeous. He was smart. He basically had all things going for him and yet he claims he knows what it's like to not want to live. "You don't even know the half of it."

"You don't know me, Tris. I'm older now, but-" He's cut off my a flight attendant laying a hand in his shoulder.

"Is everything all right here? Ma'am, you look a little sick. Would you like me to guide you to a restroom?"

"No," I say. "Does there happen to be an empty seat anywhere?"

The lady frowns, "No, I'm sorry. The flight is full. Are you sure everything is alright here?"

"Everything is just fine," Four smiles, plucking her hand off his shoulder.

"I don't want to stay with you," I tell him when the lady leaves.

"You're just afraid of getting better."

I wince. That was a low blow. "I'm never going to get better. I don't know why you can't get that through your head. I'll never be better, not until I'm left to a pile of ashes."

He sighs, "Just let someone take care of you, Tris. If you put your trust in someone, you can concentrate on living and not dying."

"I can't allow anyone that level of trust."

"Why not?" He takes my chin in his hands, pulling my face towards his gently. "Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not afraid."

"Being fearless isn't the point. It's not. That's impossible. It's learning to control your fear, and how to be free from it. Just have a little faith, Tris."

"Faith in you?" I scoff. "I can't do that."

"Want to bet?"

"Betting is for losers."

He grins, "You're afraid of losing."

"I'm not afraid of anything."

"That's impossible."

"Nothing's impossible."

"Do you have an answer for everything?"

"Yes."

He shrugs, "Want to watch a movie?"

"No," I yawn, leaning over and resting my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes, his scent lulling me to sleep.

I was being defensive earlier, but I really was afraid. Afraid of living and loving, and of life itself.

Maybe it was fear of the unknown. Those were all things I've never experienced.