Play the music at the side please :)
That 1 hour drive had to be the longest and most painful drive of my life. I was dreading the moment we had to go home and go to bed because... I don't even want to think about it. I sighed as I parked the car in front of our house. When I opened Shayne's door, she swayed again and this time she didn't even deny the fact that she wasn't feeling well.
Shayne went straight to our bathroom and I waited outside. I heard her vomiting so I knocked.
"Babe?" I asked.
"Don't come in, Liam. Please." I heard her say then another vomiting sound.
I can't just stand here!
I grabbed the keys from my bed side table and unlocked the bathroom door. There I saw Shayne kneeling in front of the toilet looking as if she's in so much pain, she probably is, as tears rolled down her face. I immediately went near her but she raised her hand to stop me.
"I told you not to come in." She scolded.
"Shayne..." I said as tears ran down my own face. "I c-can't just stand there outside. I can't, not when I know you're in pain." I said as I knelt beside her and embraced her in a hug.
"It hurts so bad." She cried on my shoulder. Her voice broke and it showed how much pain she was feeling.
"Shh... I'm here. I'm here. Baby.." I said. I might not be able to tell her it's going to be fine but I will assure her that I'm here. That's the least I could do. After some time, Shayne stopped crying and pulled her head away from my shoulders. I sat her at the edge of the bath tub and closed the toilet lid. I flushed it after and told her to move there. I went to our closet and grabbed one of my shirts.
"Baby, you need to change, okay?" I told her. She nodded and I lifted her shirt up. I was shocked at what I saw. I know she was thin but I didn't know she was only bones and skin! I hid the pain that invaded my chest and finished changing her clothes. I carried her to our bed and was about to go back to the bathroom to change when I felt Shayne grab my wrist.
"Please stay with me." She said in a weak voice that broke my heart. I nodded and went around to my side. I pulled her closer when I was settled with my arm wrapped around her and her head on my chest.
"Liam?" I heard her whisper.
"Yeah?"
"You know I love you right?" She asked.
"Of course. I know you love me, baby, and I love you soooo much." I answered.
"I love you to the end of this world, Liam. You mean so much to me. I wish I could change this, I wish I was healthier. I wish I didn't have to leave you." I didn't have to be a genius to know she's crying. "I love you so much. Do you remember what happened in this room?" She asked.
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.
Why does it feel like she's saying goodbye?
"Y-yeah." I told her. "A lot has happened in here, Shayne. But the one I won't forget is when you tried to break up with me."
"I was so scared. I thought you'd hate me cause we lost our little angel." She sobbed. "I thought breaking up with you was the best solution, so you didn't have to hate me."
"I will never hate you baby." I assured her.
We lost our little angel when she was 2 and a half months along, 2 weeks after I was rushed to the hospital. I blamed myself for that.
"I love you, Liam. I always have, I always will. I promise I'll always be beside you. I love you even though you have this weird fear of spoons. I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. I love the way you smile. I love it when I can tell you anything and everything. You're not just my fiance or boyfriend, Liam." She paused. I had tears running running down my face like a freaking water fall. "You're my best friend. And I love you more than words can ever express."
"I love you Shayne. I love the way you would throw spoons at me when we fight. I love the way you would smile when you see me home from tour. I don't know how to say this in words but I love you. I really do. I wish I could change this, I wish I could take away your pain." I croaked. "I wish things were different with your health. I wish it was me, instead of you." I whispered. Silence surrounded us but I can hear Shayne crying.
"Does it hurt?" I asked her. She nodded. "Do you want to go to the hospital?" I felt her shake her head.
"I want to be here." She said. "Liam, I'm already sleepy."
My heart ached. I don't want this day to end.
Just give me a few more hours.
"A few more minutes babe. Please?" I pleaded. "A few more hours."
"I'm really tired. But please keep talking." She told me.
"I love you to the end of the world." I told her.
"Can you sing to me?" She asked in a broken voice.
"I'll try, what song, love?" She asked.
"Can you sing to me Moments?"
"Sure." I cleared my throat and started singing quietly. After the chorus, I heard Shayne whisper something.
"Goodnight Liam. I wish I could stay up longer but I'm really tired. This day was the best. I'm happy. Goodnight, I love you hub. Forever and always."
I didn't hold it in anymore. I broke out crying, I didn't care if I was shaking her head with the move of my chest. I held her chin and lifted her head up to look at me. I looked her straight in the eye. I know when I wake up, there's a possibility that things will change so much.
"I love you so much, Shayne. I don't know what I'll do without you." I sobbed. I was such a pussy but I didn't care anymore. I could care less if a fan knew about this, if the haters knew about me breaking down. At this moment, I stopped caring.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." I kissed her lips slowly, pouring my heart out in that kiss. All the pain, the longing, the sadness, the heart ache. Everything. I placed her head on my chest and held her closer.
"Goodnight, Shayne." I whispered. "I love you so much. Happy 15 months."
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