Excerpts

Lies and Truths

"When I was 9, I lied when I went to my dad's funeral and people asked me if I was alright, I said I was and they said I was a brave girl.
When I was 12, I lied when my mum asked me if I was alright but afterwards I ran upstairs and broke down in tears cause I was being bullied.
When I was 14, I started hurting myself again, like I did a few times when I was in year 8 (12/13), but I smiled and pretended that I wasn't hurting at all.
When I was 15, my best friend made me promise to stay, when she fell asleep I swallowed a load of pills and cut my wrists.
A few months later, a boy asked me to show him my body, I said no, he blackmailed me. My boyfriend asked what was wrong, I lied & said nothing.
A month later, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with several people. People asked me if I was ok, I hurt myself again.
Weeks later, my mum asked if I would go shopping with her, I said I had a lot of homework. I didn't go for another 10 months.
My friends asked if I wanted to go out, I said I was busy with family. I spent the day alone.
Several times people made me promise not to try to kill myself, I broke that promise 11 times but some may say more, I didn't care what happened to me. I stopped looking when I crossed the road. I wanted to get hit.
In November 2014, my family found my suicide note, they asked if it was true, I shook my head and ran upstairs. They knew I was lying.
My friends asked me if I was worried about my exams, I said a little. I wanted to sleep forever.
My doctor asked me if the medication was helping me, I told him the truth. It didn't. We tried another and this one works.
My therapist asked if I ever felt like I was unworthy & lonely, I answered yes. He asked if I ever felt like I couldn't cope, I said yes, he gave me advice.
My mum asked if I was okay, I cried into her arms and I told her how I was feeling.
My friends asked if I wanted to go out with them, I said yes, even though I was nervous, I laughed and smiled a lot."