Cold Hearts - Mark Tuan fanfic

37 - The house

For the whole week, Mark takes you out - for shopping, strolling at the beach, eating out, watching movies and the like. You are able to remember some good memories from those places. He is patient enough to tell you stories of the past. 

"Mark," his mother calls his attention over dinner one night. "Since Elysa is doing ok now. Maybe you would want to rethink college." 

College? Yes...one thing you remember you're excited to enter. How come you didn't enter college?

"Uhm..." he looks at you, a bit worried. "What do you think, Elysa?"

"I...." you know you don't have any money for that. There are lots you have to be thankful for at this family. Paying for college is too much. "I think I need to work first." You decide.

Everybody's eyes dart straight at you, confused. 

"I mean..." you feel you've offended them, but you know you shouldn't be taking advantage of their kindness. "I have to earn for college, shouldn't I?"

"Honey," it's Mark's mom. She puts her hand on yours over the table, looking at you like a real mom would, "you don't need to do that. You're already part of the family."

"I know. And I'm thankful for all you've done for me. But, this is something I need to do." You try to explain. 

"Just think about it, Elysa," Mr. Tuan joins in. "You're already a year late in college. It would be better if you enter the next semester. Besides, the school you've applied to is still waiting for you."

They are? What school? Then you remember. New York. Although, the Tuans can afford paying for your tuition, you still don't want to owe them more than what you owe them now. You might not be able to repay them in the future. 

Also, you still need to find yourself. There are still a lot of missing pieces in your past you want to know. You wouldn't be able to concentrate on school anyway, thinking of them. 

Still, you just nod. "I'll think about it," you say softly. 

While in the veranda, drinking some after dinner wine with Mark, you can't stop but think of who you really are. 

"What are you thinking?" Mark notices your detached expression. 

"Huh?" You turn your head slowly at him, getting out of your trance. 

"I said, what are you thinking? You've been quiet since dinner." He leans forward from his chair, leaning his elbows on his thighs.

"Oh...nothing."

"Babe," he takes your hand, "you can tell me."

You hesitate for a moment. "I think....I need to be alone for a while."

His expression suddenly changes from concerned to frightened. "What do you mean?" His voice is shaking, nervous.

"There are a lot of things I need to do on my own, Mark. I can't depend on you and your family all the time." 

He searches your eyes, and you stare straight back at him. 

"I'm very grateful that you took me in. I'm happy that I'm with you and you haven't left my side." You touch his cheek with your hand and he holds it there. "But..."

"But what?"

"But, I have to find myself, Mark. I feel so....lost." You look into his eyes and you see pain. "Mark, it's not that I'm gonna leave you or anything. I just want to live on my own for a while. Pick up the pieces I've missed."

"No." 

"Mark, please."

"I said no." He lets go of your hand and stands up, running his hand through his hair. He starts pacing the floor. "I can't let you go again, Elysa. I can't bear to lose you anymore. The only way I can protect you is for you to stay with me."