When We We're Young

When We We're Young 1165

Dear April,

Hi. I guess I finally had the courage to write you a letter. I guess I was just afraid that you would act like I'm a stranger in your life or I was afraid that you already found someone else to make you smile like I used to. Now, I won't waste any time for this. I won't hide anything now and I will tell you everything from the time I met you. I was mesmerized that you actually recite a declamation when your mad and I thought it was cute. I had a lot of moments that I resisted the urge to hug your small frame in my arms, to pinch your cheeks, or to kiss your pinks lips. But I was a friend to you. It hurt me that it was always platonic love for us, like brother and sister. But I was glad I was family to you. Have you ever noticed? Boyfriend, friend, bestfriend. They all have ends but family, the last three letter just speaks out the words I was afraid to tell you.

I love you. I live my life for you. You'll never know how much affect you have on me. You'll never know that your the reason I can smile all day and you used to tease me whenever I suddenly smile but I just want you to know that everyday, your always on my mind. The only thing in it. I thought now that how could I have lived my life before you came in it. You are my life, your my heart. My heart beats for you and my thoughts run for you.

I hoped and begged to the Gods that I used to not believe that you felt the same too. That I made butterflies erupt in your stomach, that I made that smile in your face appear. I want you to know now that you are more than a friend to me. You were never meant to be my friend. Your my forever. I believe in that word now. Even if we die I know we'll meet again, we will always be alive in our thoughts.

That day when you kissed me, I was just shocked. My mind was blown away at how I felt, I was over whelmed. You mean everything to me and I'm willing to give up anything to make you happy. I know I may sound like a teenage girl right now but I don't care. I assumed easily that we were together now. I know I am a coward for not asking you before but I ask you now, Will You Be My Girlfriend?

But I know you can't answer now and were not immature anymore. But that day when  I saw the glint in your eyes and I knew that you wanted to win that competition. I wanted you to be happy, I always will and even if you break my heart, even if you watch me drown, I will never stop making you happy.

I was hurt, I was confused when you wanted my permission. I'm not selfish. You know that, I coudn't say 'no' to what you've always wanted. I didn't want to get you back in your cage, I wanted you to be free even if it means I'm gonna be trapped forever. It was either you or me and I chose you. I will always choose you and I'm not regretting my decisions.

I know I'm gonna miss you. And I am. I feel so alone in the world without you but then I watched your concerts. How you dedicate each one of them to me and in that simple way, I love you. I knew you remember me and I want you to know that I will always remember you too.

At first, I didn't know why you woudn't call. I had doubts in myself that I was being stupid and foolish thinking that you would come back for me. But then you called. I heard your voice and it pained me even more.

I've been keeping a secret from you and I am guilty but as I look at you now, I think it was for the better. I have mycobacterium tuberculosis. I didn't want you to worry. I tried brushing it off but I coudn't. I didn't exepct you to call that day, it was the last time you called in your phone. I lied to you when I said that I sent the letter, I didn't. Then you called again, this time on the telephone and you laughed and that was enough. I added some new words then sent it, probably you got this late.

I'm dying. I know that now and I accept it with open heart now that you know my thoughts. My feelings. I love you, just know that and I'll still be in your heart and in your mind. And just so you know, its called a telephone booth. But now that were not young and mature, I need to ask you an imaginary question too. Just imagine us both in a restaurant with pizzas and me on my knees, this is just a dream but I really wish this could come true. WILL YOU MARRY ME MY DEAR APRIL? Then we could make our own family, saying I love you to you all day long is my long dream.

                            Love your sauce filled might be husband,

Trevor :-*

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"Trevor?" I whisper as I got in his room. Hours away from my airplane ride today, but I wanted to speak to him. He sits on his bed. His head in his hands, it pains me. The first time I ever saw him like this.

"April. I thought your leaving today?" he asks. I sigh and seat infront of him. "You know.. I have a question. I.. Want.. I want your blessing. Just say stay and I will. I'll be here, spending every day with you. I don't have to go" I said.

Yesterday, he looked like he was about to tell me something, with pain in his eyes but then he urged me to make my announcement first that I was auditioning to Epic, then he didn't speak.

He shakes his head. Even though without his words, I can hear his mental sobs. I can feel his agony. I don't want to leave him. I will always choose him. Just one word.

But he kissed me instead and I didn't hesitate to kiss him back. But then he pulls away. Tears flows down his eyes "Go. Go April and live your life. Win for me will you?" and I left, and it took me long 3 months and I won. I was planning to go back but I coudn't. I am a coward. I'm not gonna deny that now.

~~~~~~~~~

Lesson learned, sometimes you shoudn't be selfish, think of other people too. And being inlove isn't stupid, its just how love works. Sacrifices and passion.