The Prince and His Pauper

Chapter 29: The Prince Seeks Advice

"So, what I'm trying to say is, would you go out with me? It's ok if you don't want to answer right away. I understand how much this is for you so don't answer it until you feel ready. Ok?" Cassiel requests honestly with a small but gentle smile on his lips.

That's what he asked me a few days ago but I still don't know what to do. I don't want to agree to his proposal until I know I'm fully capable of being with Cassiel. I would have said yes to him if I didn't have my father's constant mantra drilled inside my head all my life. Don't get involved with the homosexuals. Always keep your distance from them. Never look at a man with interest. Focus on finding your future wife during social events. You must keep the royal bloodline intact by having an heir to the throne.

"My prince, if you're going to keep dazing off like this, I suggest you call it a day and take a warm bath." Sebastian announces, drawing me out of my thoughts and back into my martial arts training.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian. Let's try that technique you were teaching me again." I apologize with a shake of my head, as though I can shake off all of my worries.

Sebastian releases a sigh and straightens his posture. "Let's take a five minute break, my prince. You seem to need it." He declares.

As a response, I nod my head and head to one of the chairs available while Sebastian goes to the mini refrigerator. My mind instantly returns to Cassiel and his proposal. "What am I going to do?" I groan.

"Are you still thinking about Master Fairbairn, my prince?" Sebastian asks and hands me a cold bottle of water.

"Yes. I don't know what to do with his question." I answer, taking the bottle from his hand and opening the lid.

"It's quite simple really. Do you have any feelings for him?" Sebastian replies as he sits on the chair next to me.

"......... I, um.... I do....." I admit quietly and took a sip of my water bottle.

"Then, accept it." Sebastian states.

"It's not that simple, Sebastian. You know that my father has been teaching me to keep my distance away from homosexuals. If I accept, I'm not only disobeying Father, I might put Cassiel and his family in danger once Father finds out." I argue.

"If he finds out. I'm certain that you'll be able to hide Cassiel. You did the same thing with me." Sebastian counters. "My prince, what are you really afraid of? Are you afraid of embracing these feelings for Cassiel? A boy?"

"No! Of course not! I have long came into terms with me having feelings for Cassiel!" I retaliate.

"Then what are you afraid of?" Sebastian repeats his earlier question.

"Honestly? I'm afraid of what people are going to think when I'm with him." I confess.

"So, you're ashamed to being attracted towards men?" Sebastian asks, but it sounded more like he was accusing me.

"No! It's not like that! I'm not ashamed at all! I don't even find other men attractive! Only Cassiel! He's the only one I'm attracted to. Everyone else doesn't capture my interest." I acclaim defensively.

"Then what is it, my prince? If it's not having an attraction for men or your father, then what is holding you back from accepting?" Sebastian interrogates.

"I don't know! I don't know why I'm so hesitant! I know that I'm falling for Cassiel ever since I visited him from the hospital. I admit that. But I don't know if I can be the man Cassiel wants me to be." I confess. An entire weight seems to be lifted off of my shoulders after saying that.

It went silent between us. I'm not sure if it's because Sebastian is at loss for words or he's trying to figure out how to respond to my confession. Either way, I don't think there's anything he can say that can help me with my dilemma and if that's the case, I'll have to keep my distance with Cassiel. Despite the feelings I have for him, I would let him go if it meant his safety from my father's wrath.