Green-haired girl. (5sos fanfic)

Chapter 4: Can't sleep

"Can we just study now please?" I ask.

"Sure, did you want to do maths or history first?" He asks.

"Your pick, you are the one who needs help after all" I say.

"History it is" he replies.

~~2 hours later~~

Ashton's head is on top of his book. We've been studying for about 2 hours and I haven't allowed him to take a break, mostly because I don't want to have to make awkward small talk if we take a break from tutoring.

"My brain is nearly fried" Ashton mumbles, face still in his history manual.

"Yeah, I should probably get home now and cook supper" I say looking at my watch.

"Ok, thanks for the help today" he says as we make our way downstairs.

"Yepp" is all I say before heading out the front door.

"Wait," I hear Ashton say after I've reached the bottom of his driveway.

"Yeah?"

"Um... can we keep this a secret between us? I don't want the boys to find out... You know?" He says.

"Of course, I understand you don't want to ruin your rep" I say to him and walk away.

As I walk home I'm feeling Kim of disappointed. I thought Ashton was gonna offer me a ride home or something, not ask me to keep his tutoring a secret.

But I guess I do understand, if I were him I wouldn't want my friends to know that I was hanging out with that weird fat chick with green hair that we bully either.

~~at home~~

When I get home I kick of my shoes and go to change into some comfy sweats and an old wife beater.

I turn on my music playlist called "Gus" don't ask me why it's called that, because I really don't know. I just liked the name Gus, it reminded me of the little mouse Gusgus from Cinderella.

Anyways, the first song to come on is Loverboy by You me at Six and it pumps me up. I get out the things I need to make spaghetti like the pot and noodles and things.

You see, my dad works long shifts on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. So on those days I make supper for myself and always leave extra for him and my brother if he comes home.

My brother is 3 years older than me and is in 2nd year of uni. We are complete opposites. He is a little social butterfly and has plenty of real friends and gets invited to parties and movies and stuff while I'm just some old stick in the mud. The only things we have in common are our last names and the fact that we are both pretty smart. I've always wished I could be social and loved by everyone like David. But sometimes David can get real mean to me, it used to be worse but it's still not great now. Sometimes he can be somewhat nice, but others he insults me and makes me feel like crap and hits me. But he is still my brother and nothing I can do about it. I just can't wait until he moves out and I don't have to be under his shadow anymore.

By the time I'm done cooking and eating and cleaning up its about 815 and I'm tired after a long day so I take a nice long bath while reading The summer i turned pretty by jenny han, one of my absolute favorites.

After my bath, I get into my bed and cuddle with my dog. He's about 9 years old and I don't know what I'm going to do when he dies. I find myself thinking about it a lot, and I know it's dumb but he's my best friend. When he's gone, I'll be completely by myself.

I set my alarm and try to relax hoping to have an early night.

I've always had trouble sleeping, for as long as I can remember. Not anything like insomnia, but more because of the demons and voices inside.

They haunt me . As much of a thick skin I've grown towards my bullies, I can't ignore the Demons. Those get to me.

I open my drawer beside my bed and pull out my razor blade. Originally it was a blade used to clean the stove top, but I've stolen it and sharpened to make it into a weapon of my destruction.

When I'm finally done for tonight, my pillow is soaked and I am shaking. Blood is still running down my arm, but hey, I took a first-aid course. I do what I always do and wrap my arm in gauze and make sure it's tight enough. I wash up and get rid of all traces of evidence.

My eyelids start to get heavy and I fall asleep to my dog kicking the salty tears off my cheeks. I'm never sure if he likes the taste or if its his attempt to comfort me.

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A/N: so I'm writing this on the iPhone app an I can't do bold and italics and it sucks and bleh. But whatever, I'll try my best to get the emotions through the best i can. Tell me what you think?

~Emma , lub choos! :*