Peroxide (Peterick)

fight me in the sewer

"So I guess we won't ever see each other again," Dallon notes, wobbling back and forth on his feet with extremities poking into his pockets awkwardly.

Gerard is packing the van with Lindsey's suitcase, proceeding with his and then mine to grant time for me and Dallon to say our goodbyes, and he's equipping himself for a bumpy ride back to New Jersey, while Ryan and Brendon are about an hour down the road to Newark with their own luggage in their odd vehicle that should only fit a cat yet has much more aptitude than people would expect, and once Gerard finishes loading the car, I'm forced to acknowledge Dallon.

"I guess not." Nodding, I add, "We had some horrible times together, so at least those will be over."

"You're blunt as always" is his chuckle

A smile instruments my lips higher, and I offer my hand for the man to shake. "How about we leave on good terms, yeah?"

Dallon accepts my hand, kissing it like an old-fashioned royal, and with a laugh, he's off on his way far from me, and I know I'll be doing better.

"Are you ready to go?" Gerard inquires and swallows my shoulder with his touch, guiding me towards his van before I can respond, because he knows that I won't be able to after all that's happened this Christmas break.

I'm okay with that, though, because he's always had my best interest in mind, even when I hated him for it and didn't understand that he was always considering me in his actions, and it's nice to have an unwavering friend, especially after I just lost the one who loved me so dearly to something as worthless as amnesia.

Pete's gone, however, and I'll have to register that through my brain soon enough, but for now, all I know is that something is absent from my life and that I want it back.

~~~~~

I'm not quite prepared fully to see my mother again, not after she dropped that bomb of news on me while I was still recovering from a fucking seizure, and now there's also that shitstorm of Gabe Saporta wallowing in my house and claiming that it's his own when he could be kicked out at any moment, if not by my mom then by me, and while that may only last for a few hours, at least until my mother notices that something is missing, it'll be productive enough to soothe my qualms about this "psychologist" guy.

What's missing with me is Pete fucking Wentz, and he won't be back. Perhaps returning to my home in Newark would've been less bothersome if he were here with me, but for all I know he could still be at the hospital, abandoned by Joe, and it could be my fault for leaving him there. There's no one to portray the fact that he left me with forgetfulness, but they won't ask about that, so it's unimportant.

We have been doomed from the start, with that measly panic attack in the Belleville Child Development Center that Pete happened to spy and take action upon, yet he persisted in loving me despite my many faults and anxieties and fears, and we fucking messed up in the end. We could've gone strong, but we didn't, because there are simply these points that are unavoidable and are bound to kill us one way or another, but we were young and reckless and didn't care about any of them, so where we are is essentially our own doing.

I realize that if Pete and I continued our relationship, people would ask how he's faring all the time, and I would have to lie and tell them that he is just splendid, but that's not exactly a lie, because I never really knew how well he was, and now I do. I know that he's forgotten about everything we went through, and I'm not with him to foster a plague that'll just bury him again. He's really mending himself, and he doesn't need me anymore.

When you are someone like Pete Wentz, when you are someone with potential, a candle perhaps, people will light you so that they can watch you burn and then replace you with someone stronger, but I challenge everyone to dare themselves into replacing that candle with them and only them, just better versions of the same spark, and that's what my companion is going to do, for he's struck his memories with amnesia and has become whole in his own mind again.