Hearts On Fire One Shots

Move On

"If I had a time machine, you would be here right next to me,"

I'd never thought I would be saying these words. And if I did, I'd thought maybe a couple more months or a year later. It's too soon. Way too soon to end.

I stare out the window, wishing so hard that I could go back in time. Even for only a minute. I only need that. And say the words that have been playing over and over again on my mind since we last spoke:

"I miss you,"

Maybe if I say these words, you wouldn't have left me. We wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't be sobbing at every song and every street that reminds me of you and me.

My friends don't know I'm like this. They know I've been broken ever since it happened, but by now, they think ok over it. It was three months ago after all. It's been so long, but I'm not alright. In fact, it's getting to me.

This is nowhere near a movie, no movie ends this way.

Why is it after all this time that I still feel broken. That I can't let go of all of these memories. Since we said goodbye, I've been trying to push away everything related to you, but I've no idea how to. I then went one step further and tried forgetting you, but that was no use either. I just don't know how to move on.

You know, and still know, more than I've probably told anyone about myself. I told you pretty much everything about my family, my friends and even my own personal problems. I even bursted into tears in front of you, feeling torn and quite embarrassed. My tear stained face, swollen eyes and red cheeks were an awful sight. But you listened. You listened to every word I said and didn't walk away.

You were there for me, but now am I another mistake to you? All those promises you made felt so real, I trusted you with every word. If only I could tell you what I'm thinking, but we're the titanic, and we're slowly sinking.

It's sunny on the outside, but on the inside, it's still raining heavily. Replaying every word you said. I've tried to stop myself, but it's impossible. And slowly but surely, your memory is fading away.

I collapse into my bed and couldn't hold the tears in any longer. Why is letting go so hard? They make it look so easy, but really, it's so difficult. How does it all work out? They say in the end, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm trapped in the darkness. Unable to find my way out. And how do I know that one day I'll be ok? That I can finally say your name without struggling. That I can see you in public without thinking, " He left me,".

Silence soon takes over the room. The noise of the outside surroundings come in. The traffic outside almost feels like a comfort to me, knowing that my cries were not the only things that I could hear. A stale air soon made its way into my nostrils, signalling that I've been here pretty much all day.

I just can't get you out of my head. But I have to. I can't keep wishing and waiting for him to reappear, knowing that you won't in the end. You're getting on with your life, so why can't I?

I've tried, but it failed. But I can't stop here, I need to let go. To forget you. Everything you said and did.

I don't know how, but I will. I'm determined that I'd be able to stand up and walk away. To be free from this misery. But for now I don't know how.

To move on.

----------------------------------------------

I'm back! This was a hard one to do, and I don't think it's that great. But I tried:)

HEARTS ON FIRE MUSIC VIDEO ON TUESDAY!!! IM SCREAMING!!

So excited 🎉🎉 Good Enough will hopefully be up soon. Thinking of doing this for the album when it comes out (minus Hearts On Fire and I'm a Mess) 😊

Evie x