Hearts On Fire One Shots

Good Enough

17th May

It's been seven months since he left and to this day, I still don't know why he left. It was all of a sudden. So sudden that it left tension in the air. Everyday now I dread coming home from school or just entering the house. The minute I open the front door, I'm slapped in the face with the reality of what life is like now at home.

Mum's been getting worse. Everyday now she looks she same; red eyes that have bags underneath them and that haunting emotionless expression. The only thing that keeps changing is her weight. She loses so much every single day. And not in a good way, she's not on a diet. It was almost as if I had gotten a new mother overnight.

Maybe it was my fault he went away.

Honestly, I feel like I'm drowning right now. Drowning in the tears I have cried every night. I feel broken inside too. I am ripped down the middle inside. It's as if I live right in the middle of a war zone and I'm  surrounded by it. The screams, the shouts, the cries. I am in the very middle of it all.

If I ever could, I would take back everything that I did. I would even circle the world to get back what we had. I've looked at every single aspect of my life so far and I'm pretty sure one, if not more, moments in my life where I just messed this whole thing up completely. If they told me what I could do to deserve their love again, I would do it without any hesitation. Because right now, I'm far from receiving it.

Is their anyway I'll ever be good enough?

Nobody knows why Dad left, but I'm pretty sure that he isn't coming back. I wouldn't be surprised. Relationships are not exactly my strong point, with anyone. I never learned how to love, or stay when things got complicated and tough. I thought I had forever to learn that, but I was too late. How on earth could know something that I've seen or experienced before?

I don't feel good at all. It's as if I am a hurricane and I destroy anything I come across. My heart has been ripped down the middle and stamped into a million pieces. But why should I feel sorry for myself? All I ever do is screw up! Everything goes wrong when I get involved. Ever since I was little, I've been ripped in two and it's all my fault.

I've always spent trying to hide my weaknesses from people. That's the last thing I want to show. I don't want to look like a helpless human being who can't handle her problems. So I try to play the part and cover all my scars. But it's never enough to cover up the pain. Nothing can hide the pain.

I wish I could take back everything that I did, but I know I can't. But if I could, I would circle the would for you, Mum and Dad.

What can I do to make everything right? I'll do anything, even if it kills me. Is there anything in this would that I could do? Is there any way at all?

Because maybe then I could finally be good enough.

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Sorry about the wait! I'm almost finished school for the summer, so I have a bit of time on my hands:)! This was quite hard to write and I don't think it's my best, but I hope you like it. Was a bit emotional when I wrote it.

In other news.... THE ALBUM WAS RELEASED TODAY! OMG OMG OMG OMG! ITS AMAZING! I got very teary-eyed listening to it, cos we and the girls have been waiting for this moment for SO LONG! And it's finally here! 🎉🎉🎉 My favourite song is Headlights ❤️❤️

Will update soon & hope you all Up At Night also! I plan to do one shots on it also... So stay tuned 😊

Evie xx