Author's Note:
THIS IS IT...
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Mico awoke to Ro's brilliant green eyes. He smiled and Ro said, "You look like a sleaze with that crooked smiled and your eyes all scrunched up like that." He was relieved that she sounded strong today. She was going to have to be.
He looked at the clock. "What time did you get up? Why didn't you wake me up?" He asked, noticing they had an hour and a half to get ready for Ben's ceremony. "What are you going to wear?" Ro looked at him and her smile fell.
She seemed to refuse to be deterred because a moment her smile was back. It didn't reach her eyes. "I'll stop home to change." He nodded and she said, "I'll go as I am." She lifted his wrist and locked her hand with his. Mico was glad she was letting him come.
"We should get outta here. We'll get busted." He told her, as she rolled her eyes. "It's after noon Mico, I think we're already busted." Mico laughed and sighed, because he knew it was true. He got out of bed, pulling Ro with him.
She strolled lazily in his wake, a sheepish smile on her face when they entered the ktichen. His mom was washing the counter when they came in and without looking up she told Mico, "Your dad left in a bad mood this morning; the couch was empty." Mico's face froze. His mom didn't seem to have a problem with it, and although his father was like a hurricane when he was angry, Mico didn't care.
Mico spoke to Ro, "Have some breakfast and we'll leave." Taking two bagels out from the cupboard, and then handing one to Ro, they walked to the toaster together. They ate at the table, bickering. Sam and Danielle ran in from outside and sat down. They talked animatedly to the sleepy teens and complained when they were unresponsive.
When there was about a half hour until the service Mico walked Ro to her door. She let him in, said hi to her mom, and went to her room. Mico made polite conversation with her and waited patiently.
In her room, Ro changed out of her pajamas. She put on new underwear- black. Her black bra was still on from the night before. She pulled a black camisole over her head and straightened the material as a nervous gesture. She pulled on black sweats and took a shaky breath in. She didn't put on make-up. She didn't brush her curls. She gave her mirror a small smile and headed back to her kitchen.
When she saw Mico waiting she took another breath in. He stood from the chair he'd been sitting in and followed her out the door. She hadn't hugged her mother. She wished she had. They walked to Mico's minivan and he unlocked the doors with his keys.
She shivered in the passenger seat as he started the engine. He drove in silence, parked, and followed her to the congregation. The pair received weird looks that they both ignored because of their attire. Mico caught sight of Monica, sitting in a black dress in the first pew, still as a statue.
He barely paid attention through the mass; he was too focused on watching Ro's emotions roll across her face. At first she was calm, breathing slowly. When the service began, she struggled to keep a passive expression on her face. The first time the priest said Ben's name, pain broke her passiveness. As the first tear fell, during the end of the mass, Mico had to focus on something else.
Ro seemed very distant, and very withdrawn when he'd taken her hand. Driving to the cemetary, Ro gave off waves of tension, and Mico became both anxious and hostile. Ro turned to him and, thoguh Mico couldn't look at her too, he knew it was bad. "Spit it out," he he said impatiently. He could feel the sadness in Ro's gaze. "I don't want to be with Alex. I don't want to be with you." Mico stiffened and was immediately confused. Mico was trying to figure out what she meant.
Obviously, Ro had broken up with Alez, or was going to. But what about him? She couldn't really mean that could she?
Ro closed her eyes. She was sick of lying to Mico. She'd been lying to everyone but her mom. She reconciled herself with the fact that even if she felt bad or guilty, she wasn't going to tell Mico about the reason behind their "break-up". She wasn't telling anyone.
Ro didn't want people to pity her. She didn't want people to treat her like a ticking time bomb. When they reached the cemetary, Ro's eyes were unfocused; she was thinking about Ben's smile. She should have told Ben. He wouldn't have treated her differently. She blew it.
They stood in the front row of the congregation, next to Ben's mother. Ro could hear Monica sniffling behind her. She knew that Monica's tears were fake. She listened to the priest speak about Ben as if he knew him with tears streaming down her face. He didn't know anything.
He didn't know that Ben's favorite color was yellow. He didn't know that when Ben smiled it was like the sun got brighter. He didn't know that Ben could take anyone's depressed mood and turn it around by cracking a stupid joke. He didn't know that Ben liked to wrap his arms around her stomach and hold Ro's hand before they fell asleep because it made him feel like he could truly love a girl. He didn't know that Ben kissed Ro's shoulder every night before they fell asleep, or that in the morning when they woke up he kissed her neck underneath her ear. He didn't know Ben at all.
She'd ignored Monica the entire service until she whispered, "Why are you even here?" Ro's rage filled her and exploded.
"He. Fucking. Loved. Me. Get. Over. It." She replied, and paused before continuing, "I loved him too." Ro noticed Ben's mother stiffen at her comment, and Ro felt bad about responding at all. She shouldn't have let Monica get under her skin. This day was about Ben.
Ben's parents threw dirt on the coffin as if was slowly being lowered into the ground. Ro was as surprised as everyone around her when Ben's mother scooped up another handful of dirt and placed it in Ro's palm. A silent moment of understanding passed between his mother and her. Ro approached the coffin, curled up her hand around the dirt, kissed it, and tossed it. The sound it made as the dirt hit the coffin made her feel empty.
"Goodbye baby," She whispered as his coffin hit the bottom of the grave. After the service, the congregation moved to another part of the cemetary to talk. Mico was too nervous to approach Ro, surrounded by Ben's family. He felt that it was wrong to be here now. He stood by himself off to the side until Ro walked past him and said, "Get in the car. I'll be out soon."
Mico turned to go to the parking lot, in the same direction of the grave. He passed the stone, heading for the trees, turning away from the parking lot. He wanted to know the secret; he knew Ro had a reason, and that she would share it with Ben.
Mico stood in the shadows and waited for Ro to approach the grave alone. He had to strain to hear, and he felt guilty listening to Ro's heartbroken confession, but he wanted to know what she was keeping.
Through Ro's tears, Mico heard her say, "Baby I'm so sorry. I dreampt last night that we were together and we were happy. I should have done something sooner. I should have known. I love you Ben and I always will. My best friend. There will never be another you. God Ben I miss you. There's so much that I should have told you. I wish I had. I wish I could see your reaction to this. I need to know what you'd say and how you'd act. I can't believe I'm forced to tell you this, as you're laying...in the ground. My mom and the doctors are the only ones that know. I pushed Mico away. I told him I didn't want him, all because of this. I need your help. With my luck I'll end up in the ground next to you Ben. I have cervical cancer."
