memories : phan

Anne

(Continued) Flashback Phil's Pov

My hand clenched tighter on the television remote. I had told Dan not to be nervous for his date, and now I was nervous! What if he got attacked by a queen tigress?! What if she fell off a cliff doing back flips?! What if- My phone buzzed and I jumped. It was a message from Dan, "The date is going great" I laughed sinking into the couch. Relief fell over me. Good, I thought, Dan is safe... and happy.

My thoughts turned drastically. Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? The phrase was overused and now tattered. It was usually thrown about. Without the true meaning being revealed.

Sure I had Dan but he was my best friend. Anyways, he was moving on from me, and his thoughts. I felt obligated to need the warmth and pressure of another body against mine. Or did I? I missed the bliss of love, the feel to not care. Someday I would want someone of my own. The time seemed right.

Alone. The word scared me. Not being able to express my feelings and insecurities? I was dumbfounded how Dan could do it. Keeping his thoughts compact into his skull. The way the words haunt your brain. Crawl on your skin. Find your weaknesses and strike. Thoughts really were overpowering and ruling.

I had to admit to myself sometime now, I couldn't control my thoughts. Not in an insanity way, just sort of a jumble of lost and insecurity way.

Insanity. Defined to be an occurring obsession. I really was insane wasn't I? A danger to all around me. My constant internal breakdowns didn't help.

Was I the reason Dan was so distant when it came to emotions? Did he feel he would upset me more if he confessed his insecurities? Of course it wouldn't. But he doesn't know that, because he doesn't talk to me.

I sighed struggling to pull myself out of my thoughts. Trying to stand up from my lazy sprawled out position on the couch. I failed flopping backwards.

My phone repeatedly buzzed, but they weren't messages from Dan, yet thousands of comments from the fans. "Where's @AmazingPhil?" Shot up on my lock screen.

"What?" I questioned aloud. I then saw the notification that Dan had posted a photo on Instagram.

I clicked on the notification, and there popped up a picture of Dan and Anne. The description read, "Went out for coffee, new starbucks drinks are pretty artery licious!" I couldn't help but feel a tint of jealousy as well as confusion. Why had Dan posted this selfie with Anne and him? Usually he liked to keep his personal life to himself, hence the name "privacy". Maybe this was a cry for help.

Or maybe I was just insane.

"Wouldn't be surprised." I mumbled aloud.

My phone kept shooting notifications. I was starting to get frustrated.

"Oh shut up!" I said, slamming my index finger on "Turn all Notifications off?" and then clicking "yes". I threw my phone on the couch and stomped to the kitchen.

Why was I acting like a child, it was only a meaningless selfie. I took a deep breath through my nose exhaling hot air through my mouth. Doing this three times, I opened the fridge. Thank god I had gone out the day before or I really would have been screwed.

Although the wide selection in the fridge I closed the door and walked to the cupboard.

"Hmm, Doritos or handfuls of wheaties?"

"Wheaties." I decided grabbing the cereal box from the cupboard.

The walk back to the living room seemed longer than ten seconds, in fact it felt like ten hours. Why was I so upset with the selfie? Maybe it was the fact that it showed Dan was really moving on.

I continued to watch Free: Eternal Summer for the next hour and half. There was a click at the door, and I sank into the couch further, maybe if I squished far enough he wouldn't see me.

Dan's footsteps echoed in our apartment, each step getting closer. They beat louder and louder in my eardrum. My heart beating faster, frustration bubbling. He entered the lounge, trying to make himself present. I ignored it locking my eyes on the tele, giving every ounce of concentration on the screen.

He sat down hesitantly. "Hey Philly." He said more cheerfully than I had anticipated. I forced myself not to smile.

"Hmm, how was the date." I mumbled clearly not wanting to know.

"It was great! We went on a walk to the London Eye, and then to Starbucks did you see our self-" He started but I interrupted.

"Your selfie, ya I did."

"Oh." Dan said quieter. "I just didn't know because I usually get a notification when you like it."

I turned to my phone. Aggressively grabbing it and turning it on. It was still on Anne and Dan's selfie. I quickly liked it chucking my phone against the couch arm. Dan's phone lit up, still eyes on me. He looked down to see "AmazingPhil liked your photo". He looked weak and defeated. But at this point I didn't care.

I brought myself up grabbing my laptop and headphones making my way to the corridor. I turned before entering my room, Dan standing at the doorway of the lounge he looked up. It was to late, I slammed the door breaking his hollow stare.

-

Thoughts whirling I woke up to silence. I ignored my pounding head and walked out of my bedroom. The door slammed behind me and I squeaked. No shuffle or sound of a living other came from the room beside me. I sighed aloud.

What had I done that he hadn't? We both had upset the other. Mine significantly having better reasoning. At Least I didn't run away from everything!

I trudged to the kitchen grabbing the wheaties from the cupboard and pouring them into a large soup bowl. We had run out of normally sized bowls so that was my last resort. There was no way anyone was getting me to wash the dishes, that was Dan's job.

What had I done? What hadn't I done? Oh shit, I made a mess of things. Making accusations and ripping my relationship with Dan further.

I decided if I just called Dan to figure out where the hell he was, would be a hell of a lot easier than just seething in silence.

His number rung for forty seven seconds and then was forwarded to his voicemail.

Where the hell was he? Texting him seemed like the best bet.

"Daan i'm worried sick about you, can we please just talk about it. I was a jerk i'm so so sorry" I typed clicking send. There was no response for several minutes.

I was broken without Dan, he could fix me. I couldn't take it. I felt sick. My insides churned. The atmosphere was thick, my breathing becoming heavier.

I stumbled down the stairs gasping for air. I reached the front door when I heard a click from the other side.

And then I felt it, the painful jab of a woman's voice.

"Thank you Anne." I heard Dan say.

Sorry guys I know this is late, I had a busy week. Thank you to those who have stuck around to read more. Don't forget to add to your library and favorite if you'd like! Love you beans -ash