memories : phan

Running Away

(Continued) Flashback Phil's Pov

The sound of footsteps and a faint shuffle awoke me. Looking at my phone it was 10:06. I lay for ten minutes in silence. Random and unnecessary thoughts roaming through my head. Questions from twitter like"You are 29, have you thought about settling down with a partner yet?" struck me the most. When was I going to get my life together? Honestly up to this point I thought my life was perfect, finally happy with who I was and what I was doing. There didn't appear to be anything missing from my life.

Dan, on the other hand, seemed to still be searching for something. There was an unpleasant knot in my stomach. Was I not enough for my younger youtube companion? I had assumed I played that role for him. Or did I? Dan wasn't one to share his emotions, he had always kept them tightly packed into to his head. It seemed dangerous, in fact I knew it was dangerous. Once in a short while I would hear faint crying coming from his bedroom. Never knowing what to say I held him close to my chest for hours at end until he stopped and acted like nothing happened. Why did he do that? It made me so angry. Why bottle up your emotions, pushing them farther and farther back when he could just express them to me?!

I heard a loud crash followed by a "Fuck!". Slipping out of my irrational thoughts I giggled.

Stumbling to the kitchen I saw Dan had broken a plate and was now picking up the aftermath. I couldn't help but laugh, I wasn't the only clumsy one in this household.

He looked up, startled then putting an embarrassed expression across his face. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you." He smiled pausing, "I was trying to make us pancakes but somehow I manged to fuck that up too."

I couldn't help it, a grin was tugging on my face and I didn't fight it. But then the whole sentence hit me "fuck that up too". What else had Dan fucked up. He hadn't, maybe I was just being delusional.

I knelled down so I was eye level with Daniel. "It's okay Dan. It was a very nice gesture. But now we can make pancakes together!" I said excitedly picking up the last shards of glass getting up quickly to grab the broom. Never taking my eyes of him. Dan grinned and nodded.

For the next hour we made two pilled high stacks of pancakes and had finally sat down to savor the Nutella and sugar coated deliciousness. We both were covered in flour from our intense battle to the death flour war. Dan and I both moaned at our first bite of buttery goodness.

I couldn't help but smile as Dan had somehow managed to get Nutella on his nose. "Dan you have a little," I laughed out putting my thumb up to his nose and wiping it off.

Dan's eyes found mine and he stared at me entranced for a few seconds before I could feel my cheeks burning and I turned away. When I turned my head back towards his, his eyes were no longer on me instead on his half eaten pancake. I felt aggravated for making him shameful.

After five minutes of silence I spoke up, "So when do you plan on having your next date with..." I paused I had forgotten her name already. Nice one Phil.

"Anne. And soon. She said she wanted to meet up at the London Eye tomorrow."

"That's great!" I exclaimed feeling the atmosphere lighten.

"Ya. But to be honest I'm a little nervous. She's really sweet and I don't want to fuck anymore things up."

There it was again. "I don't want to fuck anymore things up"

"I'm sure you will be perfectly fine Daniel. Just relax." I said reassuringly. I received a small "Mph." followed by Dan grabbing his plate and exiting the lounge.