memories : phan

Apologies

i am sorry. i am so sorry this took me four months

aGHhhHh

you may need to go back and reread the last chapter to refresh your memory considering it took me so god damn long to update,, but who knows maybe you have a better memory than me idk

bUT HOLY CRAPPO TYSM FOR 300 READS AHH

anyways just wanted to apologise for my procrastination and overall laziness//

Flashback Dan's Pov

My eyes fluttered open scanning the four barriers around me. A large mirror propped on the left wall and a dusty mistreated piano to the right. I was in my own home. Our home. There was a sink of relief run through my veins. Yet there was still the wave of sickness occupying my form.

I sat up gripping my sheets, digging my slim fingers into the thin cotton and mattress. My back curled, and I felt my diaphragm jerk with each wail. The tears began to stream and persisted. My throat burning with anger, aggression, sorrow, and helplessness. 

I hear rushed footsteps and the wood floorboards creak in the corridor. Then they stopped. I tried calming my breathing so I could hear where the sound had travelled to, but it failed. My heartbeat still ringing in my ears, the sound covering my skin.

The door creaked. The feeling of helplessness coated me now more than ever. I could not run away now. Not this time. I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping harder on my cotton sheets. 

His body moved from the doorway to the side of my bed. A hand touches my right shoulder blade and I jerked my torso trying to dodge his touch. Phil takes his hand away. My head finds its way between my knees trying to shield myself from reality.  My sobs begin to get louder. My fists clench around my thighs, knuckles now white. 

I thought I could face him. I thought. I took my actions to quickly. I ran too far. I ran for nothing.

He sat next to me the bed caving slightly as he did so. One finger touched my shoulder. Two, three, four, now five. This time, I did not resist. I did not want to hurt him any longer.

He began to make circles along my arm with his index and middle finger. I do not resist. The rhythm giving my mind something to focus on. I didn't dare look up at him. Phil takes his other arm and wraps it around my waist. I flinch but find myself drowning into his touch.

He doesn't speak for a few long aching minutes. "D-Dan?" His raspy voice questions. I do not nod or even give him a nudge, I know he is going to continue. I know what he is going to say.

"D-Dan I..." Phil began but trailed off and started to sob. My heart ached, all I wanted to do was comfort him, but I couldn't. My muscles didn't flex, my bones didn't contract. I was useless. 

"I-I am s-so s-sorry Dan," He voice cracked but managed to continue, "for g-getting upset with y-you, for r-running away f-from our issues, for h-hiding from y-you..." Phil's breathing was scarily uneasy.

My jaw was locked tightly, I squinted my eyes tighter trying to block the tears from flooding. 

He is crying because of you. He is crying because of your mistakes. His is crying because of your actions.

"P-Phil," I spoke trying hard not to stutter. An uneasy breath escaped my lips, I had to fix this. "None o-of this is your fault, n-nor is it mine." I paused searching for words. "Y-You, Philip Micheal L-Lester are m-my everything. You a-are my best friend. There is n-nothing that could ever s-separate me from you." I guess that is all I needed to say, all I ever wanted to say to him. Well, not all but this wasn't the time. I needed to apologise

Phil's arm tightened around my waist, his head fell onto my shoulder where his hand once lay.

"I missed you s-so much." Phil spoke without hesitation.

Okay, i know it's not even 1000 word count oKay i know. But i just thought it would wrap some questions you had up and just solve the dilemma between the two,, so whatever. i enjoyed the long stressful break, you enjoyed your time away from my rambling but now i'm back, so back to my old routine ((probs not srry)) thANK YOU SM FOR 300+ READS!! i know the number may be small to you, but it means the world to me that people actually appreciate something that i adore doing. (btw if you wanted to know i'm planning on posting a new part to labelled : phan tonight yee) don't forget to add to your library if you want to see more like this, and vote for this au if you would like. i love you all so much, have a great day/evening !