The Thoughts And Things That Go Through My Head

my stomach and eating

(Authors note: these are very very secret to me..I've never told anyone these things..please don't be rude and say rude things..this is just my way of getting the thoughts out of my head, please don't hate, if you understand or need anyone to talk to just comments and I will try and answer when I can thank you!!!!)

I hate eating...I hate the feeling of food passing my mouth..and I know I shouldn't but..I cant help it.. I hate the feeling of gaining weight..I know I shouldn't but it just happens, most people can eat with no problem and they don't really feel guilty about it or anything...but I can't...I cant eat without feeling guilty...and I can't help but feel myself gaining the weight and it sucks...and I wasn't like this when I was littler...and I dont understand what happened... And I wish I could just stop the thoughts...but I can't..and sometimes the thoughts aren't there or they aren't that bad..but sometimes they just completely take over and it's all that's in my head. And I hope I get better and the thoughts go away because it's alot to handle. I don't like looking in the mirror. I don't see what everyone else sees. Most people say they see a skinny and beautiful girl and I don't see that. And it's aggrevating because i want to see it. I want to see this beautiful person everyone says they see and I'm trying and sometimes I think I see the person, but sometimes I hit rock bottom and it's just not good...I feel like I am getting better but it is going to take a while and I understand and except that now.