Jeopardy - A Luke Brooks fanfic (Contains Self Harm And Triggering Topics)

5. Mirror image.

The blade sliced into my hip once more, the cuts from this morning were still fresh and they reopened as I continued to move the blade. Blood began pouring from my flesh, a tingling sensation filled by body and I felt relieved. I'd punished myself for starting an argument with Luke, I'd cut out all the emotional pain and as I watched the blood trickle down my leg tears streamed down my cheeks. I wasn't hungry at all, I just felt sick, I definitely didn't want to face the other kids. I had a meeting with another social worker tomorrow and although it was only 6pm, I decided to sleep. I took a face wipe from inside my make-up bag and wiped the blood from my hip, the perfume substance in the wipes stung my open wounds.

I gritted my teeth and continued to clean my skin, I threw the wipe into the waste paper bin and removed my socks. I pulled my shirt over my head, unclipped my bra and stood in front of my wardrobe mirror. In just a pair of underwear I looked at the fat, ugly, scarred girl staring back. I pulled the paisley scarf from my head, removed my hairband and let my dirty blonde hair fall down over my shoulders and tickle the skin under my breasts. My hip bones stuck out a mile, covered in dark red scars and dry blood, my ribs were only visible slightly and my collar bones stood out proudly. However, through all of this, I still felt fat. I was a size ten, {British size} which was below average, yet I hated the image the mirror reflected.

I felt uncomfortable looking at this green eyes figure, this wasn't me, I didn't feel like this should be me. I pulled a large, blue shirt, one of Luke's old ones, from my draws and slipped it over my body. I had quite a few of the boys old t-shirts, but this plain blue one was my favourite. Somehow it still had Luke's smell lingering on it, even though I'd washed it hundreds of times. It was usually a comfort wearing it, but today, it felt weird. I missed Luke already. I unlocked my bedroom door, so Steve could wake me in the morning, and climbed into bed, wrapping the quilt around me. My phone was resting on my bedside table but I had no energy to check it, Luke wouldn't have text me and he was really the only person I made contact with.

I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable, replaying the argument in my head. 'have you seen yourself?! You were draped over him like some cheap slut!' Luke's words rang in my head, and then my fathers, 'I hope you rot in hell, whore!' Luke was nothing like my father, I didn't want his words to blend with the man who had ruined my life. I loved Luke, id do anything to make him happy, if only he knew that. I soon felt myself drifting off to sleep, hopefully all of this drama would be over tomorrow, I'd have the social worker asses me in the morning and then I would meet the boys and Luke would be his usual self. I convinced myself this would be the case, deep down knowing it would take more to change Luke's stubborn mind, until everything went black.

"Saskia, the social worker will be here in an hour!" Steve's voice woke me and he opened up the door. "Hey sleepy head." He smiled and walked over to the bed. He placed a coffee on my bedside table and I sat up, groaning. "Morning." I mumbled, "thank you." I continued and took a sip of coffee. Steve and his wife, Laura, treated me like their own child, mainly because I'd been here longer than any of the other kids, they'd tried to foster me once, but the social wouldn't let them as they already cared for me here, or something along those lines. I knew it was because they knew too much about my past and my life and they were scared I'd become too much to handle as I got older. "See you downstairs Sass." Steve smiled and left the room. I grumbled as I prised myself from the comfort of my bed and headed towards the bathroom.