Jeopardy - A Luke Brooks fanfic (Contains Self Harm And Triggering Topics)

20. Coward.

The fresh air hit me suddenly, my nerves rocketed through my body, there was no way I could get out of this now. Normally is run to the brooks' house to see Luke and the others, but not today, I was walking as slow as I possibly could. I though about running, getting over and done with, that would be the best option right? I was just far too scared. What if Luke didn't want to know me anymore? What if I ruined every single glimmer of hope in my life? I couldn't do this, I wasn't ready. I spun around and began running in the opposite direction, back to the care home. It was only 5pm, my curfew was 10, if I changed my mind, I had plenty of time.

"Saskia!?" I heard someone yelling from the other side of the street, I spotted Beau and Daniel walking in the opposite direction. "I thought you were going to see Luke? He told us to get lost so you could talk." He sounded slightly pissed off, through the confusion. "I can't do it Beau, just tell him I'm sorry?" I asked him, he shrugged his shoulders and continued walking with Daniel. I took a few deep breaths, tired from running and turned the corner quickly so they were no longer in view. I needed to sort myself out, just a little time to myself to figure out what I was going to say to Luke. Once if told him, telling the others would be easy, maybe. I finally reached 'home' again and walked through the door, everyone was sat in the big dining room, having their dinner, making more noise than I was used to.

As I walked past the dining room entrance, everything fell silent and I could feel 32 pairs of eyes watching me. I ignored them and began walking up the stairs, "Saskia, are you okay?" Steve's voice came behind me, I turned to face him, holding my years in well, "I thought you finished at 7?" He seemed puzzled and his eyebrows rose as he waited for an answer. "Yeah Chloe got her shifts mixed up and I said she could take mine as she needs the money more." I shrugged and began walking up the stairs again. "Wait, you need to eat something sass, you've hardly eaten at all." He was worried about me, but he was right, I hadn't been eating properly theist few days at all. "Let me just change and ill be down." I replied climbing the last few steps.

I walked along the empty corridor and heard a noise coming from one of the bedrooms, Laura and Steve's room. Everyone was downstairs eating dinner, who could possibly be there? I was pretty scared, my heart was pounding in my chest and my hands were shaking violently. I'd always had a fear of someone breaking in, instantly assuming it would be my father coming to get me. I opened the door slowly, before coming face to face with Laura, but she wasn't alone, she was with Jason, in hers an Steve's bed. "What the fuck?!" I stood in disbelief, Laura and Steve had been like my parents, they were the happiest couple I'd ever seen. "Saskia!" Laura gasped and pulled the covers over her properly, "it's not what it looks like!" She said and grabbed a night shirt.

I laughed in her face, "were you just testing the bed springs? Fucking hell, Steve is downstairs, looking after the kids and you're up here, screwing an employee. Professional." I scoffed and began walking off but Laura grabbed my wrist, "please don't tell him sass?!" She pleaded, her grip getting tighter. I snatched my hand away and walked towards the second set if stairs without saying a word, "please?!" I heard her repeat and I reached the landing. I walked to my bedroom and slammed the door, sinking down onto the floor. As if my problems with Luke weren't enough, I now had this to deal with as well. My head was pounding, my eyes were heavy and tears began spilling out of them. Everything had just gotten to much to deal with, tomorrow was the anniversary of my mothers death, tomorrow would be 11 years I'd been stuck in this home, 11 years no body had wanted me. Suddenly my phone began ringing, of course, Luke.

Luke: Where are you?

Saskia: home.

Luke: are you fucking serious?

Saskia: yea-

Luke: I gave you one chance sass, you blew it.

Saskia: Luke it's not that easy.. I..

Luke: No. That's it. I'm sick of you fucking with my head.

Saskia: please Luke?

Luke: No, we're done. Whatever this is, was, it's done.

Saskia: Lu-

Tears streamed down my face and Luke hung up the phone before I had a chance to say anything else, all I wanted was a few days to decide what to say. I stripped myself, messing up my hair as I pulled my shirt over my head and scuffing my shoes as I prized them off my feet. I threw them all into a corner of my room and pulled at my hair frustrated. I bit my nails down to the skin, I ripped strands of hair from my head, I bit the insides of my mouth to pieces and then I saw the silver blade glistening underneath the magazine on my bedside table. I had to punish myself for being a coward, drown my emotional pain, cut away the love I felt for Luke. Forget everything.

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I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update! I've been at work almost every day and when I get home I'm just so tired. Ill try really hard to update more often! xx