Illicit

Chapter Forty Six- High

Naomi paced outside of Logan's hotel room for what felt like hours as she thought of what to say. With a coffee mixed with his favorite creams and sugars sat in her hand as she moved about. Gathering enough strength, she took a deep breath before knocking on his door. For a second, she turned on her heel before the door opened behind her. She turned back as he wiped his cheek before looking at her with confusion.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"You care?"

"Of course."

"I don't blame you for not wanting to see me but I can't take this flip-flop of us. Not now." He looked away, trying to remain strong as she could see the redness in his eyes.

"I saw you at the hospital."

"Did you follow me?!" He scolded as she moved back. A small nodding motion began as he looked to the ground then back at her. "I apologize. It's been a long night..."

"I'll go then. I just...I wanted to make sure you were alright. I saw how upset you were and no matter what is between us...or not, I just...you deserve happiness..." She turned but he grabbed her, showing her into the hotel room before shutting the door behind her. "I got you a coffee..."

"Thanks." He took it before setting it on the small table in the sitting area before she sat on the couch and he the sat beside her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His eyes met with hers before he placed his head in his hands.

"No. But...yes..." Tears filled his eyes. "Everything seemed so perfect; seeing you...and then..." He began to fall apart right beside her as she placed her hand upon his cheek.

"What happened?"

"My father..." He paused as he held back his tears. "He was...supposedly cleaning a gun and it went through his mouth..."

"I'm so sorry."

He jumped up. "No! It was selfish and being a coward! He should never have pity!" He clenched his jaw. "He should never have done anything...but deal with his mistakes...but as always...he runs...this time...to the ultimate judge..."

"I thought you were on good terms it appeared..."

"For my mother..." He nodded. "I was...I tried so desperately to act as if his wrong doings meant nothing. But he told me he wrote Erwin about our affair. He was the one who tore us apart. The one who I trusted after knowing I shouldn't...yet I did...because I felt I could..."

"Your heart is so good. You wish to have faith in all but...unfortunately...not all use it selflessly."

"Like you."

"What?"

"I gave you it so many times...And I don't deserve your love. I don't even deserve your company...just go..."

"No."

He moved to the door as his back was leaned against it, he was truly defeated. "Why not?" He asked, as he looked up with teary eyes.

"Because you need someone and right now...I'm all you have. And-" He pulled her into him, hugging her tightly before slowly moving away from her. Her breathing grew quick as he placed his hand on her cheek.

"Why is it you are always the one to end up in my arms? Despite everything?"

She went to pull away but he then turned and pushed her up against the door. "I have lost you more times than I've had you..I am not letting you leave..."

"You're sad-"

"I want you." He said as he pushed her harder against the door, moving her blouse from her jeans, before she wouldn't allow it over her head. "Fine." he then tore it as she gasped. Unable to resist him, she pulled him into her, hard, before turning so his back was then against the door. With no words, he picked her from the ground as her flat feet left the floor and then moved around his back. He wasted no time as he threw her onto the bed before  his long-ungroomed wild hair fell over his eyes as he moved her leg and then made her squeal. Placing one palm on either side of her, she gained control and was quickly overtaken and placed flat.

Speaking with his eyes, his tears were still present but not bound to drip. Instead, they were fading as he had her in his arms-and bed, once again. Her ripped blouse was the only item of clothing that remained on her as they moved about with one another. She bit her bottom lip as he did not hold back; taking all frustrations and sadness out on her. Leaving her unable to move as the moment closed.

"He was an a*****e, Naomi..." He spoke as he moved with his feet touching the floor as he sat on the side of the bed.

"He seemed so kind..."

"He hit my mother each time she spoke about anything but football and alcohol-or pleasing him. He sold all my childhood things and slept around on my poor mother for decades...having bastards left and right on her..."

"Why did she stay at his side?"

"She claims her love for him was stronger than his small bouts at her and that his wandering eye or hand meant nothing as long as he returned to her..."

Suddenly Naomi moved from her sheets as he turned and met her before she collected her pants. "Did I say something?"

"No...but...you are married..." His gaze fell to the floor. "That hasn't changed...and I don't want to be "THAT" girl..."

"But you do wish to be with me?" She kept quiet, knowing she could no longer lie to him. "You just let me ravish you not even a handful of minutes ago, but now you're gonna leave."

"I can't be the other woman..." He suddenly tore the ring from his finger and chucked it across the room. He threw her back down on the bed as she gasped. "I will sacrifice and give up everything. Just name it."

"Your clothes..." He smirked at her answer before complying.