Public Sphere | H.S. | #Wattys2016

Chapter XXVII

Author's note: Ok, I'm rotten, I promised an update yesterday, but I never got around to it. I am so so so sorry, but here's the update. It's definitely longer than the usual chapter! Also THANK YOU for 4K+ reads. I can't believe it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I also do read every one of your comments and messages, so again, thank you for your support, it means the world. LOVE YOU ALL.

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I just stared blankly at him.

"Can you please say something?" he begged as I continually just stared.

"No," he wanted me to say something so I gave him something monosyllabic.

All of this felt like it was too fast. I felt like we were moving way too fast. We were at each other's throats at one point, then we started 'seeing' each other, and now he was professing his love to me. Was this how the dating world worked?

"Do you hate me?" he asked genuinely concerned.

"No, of course not," I said as I let out a breath. "It's really fast."

"Sorry, maybe I should rephrase," he said which hitched my breath.

Was he going to take back his 'I love you?' Was I unlovable? I felt a lifetime of insecurities just pour out of me. I was never too insecure about myself. In truth, I was ok with who I was; I was just nervous about what others had thought of me, especially men. I was never a girl's girl, so I was really never a part of the gossipy sleepovers or talking about boys late at night. So I never knew what the male gender really thought of me, and I was ok with that until I encountered Harry Styles.

And before the feminists come storming in with how I shouldn't care about what a man thinks about me, I have to admit that I don't want to, but I do care.

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you," he pulled the good old switcheroo, "yet."

"Ok," I drawled out slowly.

"You're an amazing person, Jess," he said which sounded a lot alike to the beginning of a break up. "And I'm really excited to see how we grow together, but you have to trust me."

"I'm new to this," I said with a sigh. I was going to tell him everything that I was bottling up, because even after all my woes, if he stuck around after all that, it meant that he did actually care. "I've never really done this. I know that you know that my career was a huge part of my life in the recent years, and I really didn't have a huge social life before that either. So this whole dating thing, I'm not really used to it. And dating a huge celebrity, definitely not used to it. I'm worried. Yes, because you're a celebrity, but also because I feel like I might not be cut out for this kind of thing. I've seen what dating a celebrity does to a girl, and I'm not sure if I can be that kind of girl."

Harry didn't say anything, he just pulled me into his arms and just let my head rest in the crook of his neck.

"It'll be ok," he whispered in my ear, and for that moment, I truly believed he was right.

"So what?" I said pulling back from him and this idealistic world I just created for myself.

"I get that you're insecure, it comes with the territory. But know that I'm insecure as s**t, too. You're amazing. You're more amazing than anyone that I've met, ever. And I don't want to screw it up, but being a public figure tends to screw everything good I have. So please, know that I'm just scared as you are, and that I want this as much as you, too," he said as his eyes bored into mine.

And at that moment, I felt drained. I felt drained because the last few weeks, all we've been talking about was how this relationship was going to go south, we never really enjoyed the relationship itself. So right then and there, I decided. I decided for the both of us.