A MOTHER'S JOURNEY

RULES

Each child, from the moment of birth must accept the prescribed legal and moral rules within which their family functions. 

Bedtime rules. Food consumption rules. Hygiene rules. Play-time rules. Behaviour rules. Education rules. Relationship rules. Religious rules. Community rules. Government rules.

A good mother sets rules for bedtime. Sets rules for what, where and when food may be consumed. Sets rules for when a child may play and when a child may rest. Sets rules for what can and cannot be done and said, at prescribed times, places and situations. Sets rules for school work and homework. Sets rules for behaviour inside and outside the home. Sets rules according to Government guidelines for immunisation, education, recreation, and socialisation.

It is an accepted fact that once a rule is created, someone, somewhere, will endeavour to break it. The old 'rules are made to be broken' cliché. The common assumption now is that EVERY rule will be broken, simply because it exists - with the accompanying consequences for those who dare break one or many. Kids and especially teens do therefore eventually rebel, fight against, and generally resist those rules imposed on them either by parents or society. This is called 'adolescent rebellion', and is both expected and accepted as a normal part of 'growing up'.

My sons have never had rules imposed on them. The underlying premise being if there are no rules, then no rules can be broken. From their early years, they have been allowed the freedom to own their lives, and live them as they choose. Decisions have been theirs to make, regarding every aspect of their living. The only 'imposition' has been the concept that knowledge is power. By giving them the means/opportunity to acquire knowledge, they consistently expand this power to make their own informed decisions and choices. I may make requests, but there is no obligation to obey or act on those requests on their part. They may consider my request and if they deem it acceptable, they will act on it. Or they may not, giving a valid reason for their refusal. Or they may not offer a reason at all. It is their choice.

Rules are introduced to prepare a child for adulthood - to better equip them with the means of coping within a world where rules not only already control every aspect of living but are constantly expanded, as new directions evolve from old ones. By conditioning over time, children learn how to live and function within this series of evolving rules.

You might think all this pontificating sounds too good on paper right? I mean I can tell you anything I want and pass it off as the truth. I can appear to presume myself 'better than you' or 'knowing more' or just plain raising anarchists due to my own 'mismanaged' and rule-filled childhood...

The thing is though; it is very hard to dispute this one fact: A child cannot break a rule if a rule is not in place, or introduced into their living. Let's pick one rule for argument's sake: (This one came to mind because my mother walked into my room yesterday, took a look at the pile of discarded clothes on the floor, the jumble of books stacked haphazardly on every surface, the unmade bed, the stacks of papers and notebooks, the three coffee cups from earlier in the night/day and - looking at my son, who was oblivious to the 'mess' and was showing me his latest github stats - said to him: "Go make your bed. You're going to end uplike your mother"... with the usual long-suffering sigh.

She left. Dylan said, "She's doing it again."

"Uh huh"

"You know the minute you leave the house she's going to be in here, right?"

"Uh huh."

"She's going to try and organise everything then you're not going to know where anything is and - maybe you should get a lock?"