There are many different types of parenting. Mine was... not a type at all. I have been asked a few times, about how I got my boys to this point. Get ready for an upside down world!
Still looking for that funny write... And Robert TheAlvarezChronicles was right; we sure do need a lot more lols... Or lolling? So I've been racking my brain really. And, it came to me that rather than a 'story', I might just fill you in on some 'moments' involving one or two or the three of us making up this little family... Maybe some moments when the other, extended members might poke in too...
There was one time down on the coast? I went to the petrol station, promptly filled the tank and then realised my wallet was still at home. I tried to explain and usually - or so I was told - when people have no money to pay, they leave their licence behind right, to make sure they come back? Having no wallet, I had no licence. So Dylan became my 'collateral'... I had to leave him there as hostage, so that I could rush home and grab the wallet? He wasn't impressed... On my return and having gotten the embarrassment out of my head, I questioned the lawfulness of keeping my underage child "as collateral". I was told he wasn't really "hostage" as they didn't place him "behind" the counter as they would with a licence? Not happy, I contacted Head Office. I got a profuse apology, got told the franchise in question would be chastised and that I would be duly compensated for the embarrassment and 'trauma' the incident caused me and my son...
Two weeks later, we got an envelope in the mail. There were 5 vouchers for free medium 'slurpies' inside... We never got to use them anyway since mum cleaned the car and threw them out?
Then there's this: Everyone in my 'real world' knows I'm no cook. But there was this one Christmas I was determined to prove them wrong see? I was at the doctor's office with dad and browsing through a ten-year old Woman's Day, I saw this most splendiferous table centrepiece. Looked easy enough, make a cardboard cone, buy some strawberries and cherries, melt some chocolate, dip half of each strawberry and cherry in chocolate and stick them to the cone, working your way upwards... A delicious, edible 'Christmas' tree.
'Guests' could then pick a choc-covered strawberry or cherry off the tree? Easy right? And the picture looked so scrumptious! I had this image of a dozen or so hands reaching out to grab pieces of this deliciousness...
Turns out I didn't factor in the size of the cone I created (big cone = big visual impact yeah?) when I began dipping strawberries and cherries and... I had underestimated the number of each fruit I would need by at least half a dozen punnets each and being Christmas Day, all the shops were shut - so my splendiferous centrepiece ended being... well you be the judge:
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As an accompaniment to this, I also purchased a rather large ladder. It had a Santa on it, who was supposed to climb up and down see? That was to be an amusement for the two little ones in the family. He worked just fine up to the moment I decided to proudly 'turn him on' once everyone had arrived. I turned him on alright; the silly bugger just got stuck up top and well... humped that ladder for dear life? He was going at it maniacally, I swear, it had all the makings of an intro to a XXX movie. Little eyes were covered up and three people jumped for the off button.. There was music and yeah, Santa's face as he humped that ladder... I think none of us will forget his misadventure!
